phq 9 test for clinical depression

as you can see im below the max so im mentally healthy

although i am on antidepressants so maybe its bad that its still this high… nahh

  • NarcissusOP
    1·
    8 days ago

    bpd did not induce your dysphoria shut uppp why would it make you another gender rhats so dumb shut

    • Fuwarei
      1·
      8 days ago

      Then why does my dysphoria fluctuate like BPD does? I go from borderline suicidal to borderline euphoric. When I’m suicidal I see myself as male, I get dysphoria, I notice my body. When I’m euphoric I see myself in a girly way even tho I am clearly a twinky moid. Or either I am distracted like right now listening to music and I don’t really perceive my gender cause it’s dark, and I’m too tired emotionally from the last breakdown. Like it literally makes sense, 3 hours ago I was in such agony. I wanted to kill god and rip his lungs out. I was quietly laughing as coping mechanism. Now I feel quite happy and too tired emotionally to be despaired over my body. And when I’m feeling normal, I’m either distracted from my dysphoria or it is not that strong.

      I’ve suspected borderline at 14 before I ever had dysphoria. At 16 it started small, unnoticeable, I femboycoped. For past 6 months I feel like I actually had real dysphoria but I can’t actually remember. My dysphoria memories have been cut past a month ago, I don’t even remember how my dysphoria was before.

      But I know that the way I am feeling nowadays, is the same way when I was sad from social loneliness at 14. It was not a simple depression, more like borderline cause I had happy episodes too.

      • NarcissusOP
        1·
        8 days ago

        i mean it sounds like no matter what you always want to be a woman its just your view of your own passing that changes. so the dysohorianitself is constant its just the degree that it affects you that is fluctuating. idk much about borderline but idk why it would make you a woman

        • Fuwarei
          1·
          8 days ago

          I have ROGD. I didn’t have dysphoria that I can remember of(other than not liking body hair which I do remember) before knowing about trans people. Having an unstable identity with BPD and finding out about femboys made me cling towards that identity. From pseudodysphoria it developed into actual dysphoria. With more social contagion and after going on 4tran4 and getting brainworms, this is how I’m here. Suffering daily, my BPD is back in the form of dysphoria. Just like it used to be.

          See my post history for more background, I was feeling pain while writing them, not happiness so I tried to show myself in a valid way.

          Honestly, I’m scared that I’ll end up becoming a detranser, and that I fell in the wrong rabbithole. Well DIY will arrive in a week either way.

            • Fuwarei
              2·
              8 days ago

              I won’t lose my hope that I can stop feeling this way. I don’t want to hurt others, I don’t want to hurt my family. But I cannot rep either.

              First time in my life I’m doomed to lose that greatly. Life changing decisions are being made.

              I wish I suffered as much as others do, I wish I knew as early as others did. At least I’d known that I’m not imagining this, that I was born this way, not that my brain fucked up biochemically during my life.

              All of my life is confusion. I don’t know what I want to study at uni. I don’t know if things are as they seem to be. I cannot explain myself to myself. I do not have enough data. Data insufficient, all of this due to my shit memory. If I could remember actually something I’d have already reached a conclusion. But no, my brain thinks that it is better to reach 1000x of conclusions every day.

              Honestly I’m soo malebrained for writing like this… Or schizo.

              Either way, in a week I’m about to do the best or the worst mistake of my life.