my mom had 3 daughters before me because she wanted a son. when i tried to ask her name suggestions when she was drunk i asked her something like “what would you have named me if i was a girl” and she made a joke about how she wouldve aborted me because she wanted a son. my entire existence was to be a son for her. to play sports and be boyish so she could be a boy mom. instead i grew up as an autistic shut in. she never got to be a boy mom i took so much away from her :(

for a while i justified it by saying my pooner sister was a son for my mom but she detrooned. my middle sister did sports and was a total tomboy growing up but still my mom never got her son and cant have kids anymore idk how to deal with this ૮◞ ‸ ◟ ა