literally no matter where u go, it’s fucking everywhere, even the most chronically tttt psycho will just start talking about how they love their girlfriends cock in their food or something gross, stfu PLEASE
literally no matter where u go, it’s fucking everywhere, even the most chronically tttt psycho will just start talking about how they love their girlfriends cock in their food or something gross, stfu PLEASE
What do you mean by that? And how do you specify “straight AGP” and does that mean I’ll be idk the weird freak who thinks of my own body while having sex with men. Like… I’ve been so afraid of this all. Ive practicing imagining the characteristics of the man and what makes me attracted to them. Dicks look hot to me in a way they didn’t before and I want to cuddle a moid. Idk. Also I want to lay my hands on his chest. But idk… am I doing this wrong? It all makes me feel very very insecure and wrong. Also I don’t want to stop liking women. Women are so beautiful. I always just wanted to be share in their sexuality and not idk just do male sexuality to them. I can more imagine myself using a strap on a woman than idk… “doing it the male way”… ugh.
This is all so terribly confusing. Can you idk explain it to me. I don’t want to be the weird sissy freak who likes to take it up his butt.
I want to be a woman and have a boyfriend and idk… the thought of having a girlfriend makes me insecure because wouldn’t she like me more as a man and wouldn’t she be unsatisfied with me and also wouldn’t mind always make me dysphoric in comparison. Idk. It’s weird.
Also still I don’t understand what you meant.
No I said “your sexuality can’t give you enough dysphoria to rep, yet not be shameful enough for your brain to change it drastically when you become a woman”.
i.e. when you transition, because your attraction to women brings you pain and trauma, it will naturally become repressed and even dissipate over time. This is helped along by HRT killing your “male” sex drive which is kept alive primarily by the existence of testosterone in your brain. Eventually your brain begins to favor the attraction to men alone because it will be the only sexuality left that doesn’t bring negative feelings.
Straight AGP does not make you a weird freak who thinks like you described. Straight AGP is essentially the same thing as one of the most common variants of cis woman sexuality in which you like the way being desired by a man as a woman feels and are able to derive positive feelings from this. Type of thing female romance novel authors are into.
I’m almost positive I fall under HSTS myself, and so I am not sure the exact degree of direct androphilia (attraction to dicks and male body parts outside of just the “vibe” of feeling feminine), people with that sexuality have, but I would assume it exists on a scale with most having a modest amount? Part of me feels like HSTS and gay sexuality has more androphilia and it makes me hate myself tbh so don’t feel bad over bot being androphilic enough at any point.
ANYWAY if you want to maintain the attraction to women you’re going to have to disconnect it from your dysphoria (which is very clearly is strongly linked in you) and I am sorry that I cannot be of much help there.
Thanks for the explanation. I think my sexual shame is very global and incompasses all of my sexuality. But you’re right. My sexuality does feel more corrupted on it’s gynephilic side or former heterosexual side due to all the stuff I saw and my fucked up development. With men, I like them both directly but probably not as much as cis gays, but I also like them in the way you’ve described. And when it comes to women, I think you’re right that my dysphoria is standing heavily in the way, plus all of my trauma.
Honeslty at times it feels like all of my sexuality is completely fucked up and I need to idk purify it. Burn it down and let it build itself up again naturally. It’s been a big hurdle in the way of starting transition for me. This feeling of needing to purify myself first. Get rid of every bad programming. All the filthy bad sexual conditioning of pornography.
Sometimes it feels like I need to get rid of it all. That I’ll never be innocent again. Forever tainted. By sexuality. By testosterone. That I will never have neutral grounds to build on.
Do you think I’ll ever have a “natural” sexuality and attraction to men and women?
Don’t try to “purify” yourself first, you will only fester in it and make it worse.
I cannot answer your question for sure, but I think the closest you can get to such a thing is being yourself.
But how do I make my sexuality “coherent” and good and less shameful and more functional and more neet and easy to make sense of and not bad, degenerate and idk… mentally wrong and dirty and weird and not “standardized” ?
This feeling of needing “purity” just doesn’t ever go away, hasn’t for years.
I don’t want to make peace with this messed up sexuality of mine. I want a better one. One that isn’t bad and wrong.
Do you have OCD? This reads like contamination OCD. How old are you?
I’m 19y old, or rather soon 20y old and I dont have compulsions. I wash my hands often and all but I don’t have obsessive behavior. But Idk. The religious aspect may also play a role. You know, idk. Everything has to be neet, has to fit into a box, has to be okay, correct, good not messy and sloppy and weird but sex is always… idk.
I’ve already did a post about how it’s evil. It’s just that it feels very shameful but also bad and dirty and also there are body liquids and idk. It’s okay. But like… idk. The sexing that happens in The Sex is just Le Bad. Idk. I’m trying to be humorous.
Idk… sorry, I’m not making any sense.
Nah I get you, I was just asking because you sound like me somewhat in the purity and thought contamination worries and thoughts about good and evil and stuff because that’s how my own diagnosed OCD primarily presents rather than super obsessive behaviors.
I don’t think any of what you have going on is shameful or evil, though, like I said it’s all more common than you’d think.
Huh, good to know. Thanks. Idk. It’s just like thus urge. Also with texting. Hate it when the formating is kinda off. Do honeslty I’m not gonna spin some quirky stuff into full blown diagnosis lmao. But I get what you mean. Actually used to be worriee and still sometimes am that I’m like poaessed by a demon giving me bad thoughts lmao.