literally no matter where u go, it’s fucking everywhere, even the most chronically tttt psycho will just start talking about how they love their girlfriends cock in their food or something gross, stfu PLEASE
literally no matter where u go, it’s fucking everywhere, even the most chronically tttt psycho will just start talking about how they love their girlfriends cock in their food or something gross, stfu PLEASE
Is there hope for hons?
what is your sexuality
Pain? Idk… have a bad relationship with sexuality. Growing up it felt really horrible and traumatic. Also porn addiction. It’s better now. Now it’s more of a senseless habit that happens like clockwork every few days. And I hate it. Shame. So much.
Also I’m a virgin, so there’s that.
Idk… I’m bisexual. I think visually women are more attractive and I like them more but especially when thinking about transition, I can’t imagine myself being a woman with other woman though my first idk “AGP” thoughts were lesbian, so idk what to make of that. I also like men and it’s probably weird Meta-Attraction but I want to be affirmed as a woman by men.
God, I sound like a fucking AGP sissy. Sorry for being disgusting and weird.
In all honeslty I just want to cuddle and maybe one day dare being naked with somebody without breaking down and without needing to feel too much shame. And I want to feel safe with somebody and want them to hold me and yes to feel pleasure and I also have the occasional naughty thought but all in all… idk…
Sex is scary. And I dont want to get hurt
(This comes from the warped mind of a fellow virgin genuinely obsessed with her sexuality, please take what I say with a grain of salt)
I feel like if you are able to maintain any level of attraction to women, there may be hope for you if you are indeed foreseeing yourself being a permanent hon. That said, a lot of what you wrote here (some “meta-attraction”, shame over lesbian thoughts in relation to transition) seems like it has the chance of evolving into straight AGP overtime (especially if you are not on HRT for long yet) which is not much different from being trapped as a hussie and tends to even evolve into direct androphilia overtime.
Can you please elaborate?
Also how could one maintain attraction to women because I’m afraid that in any lesbian situation, I’d feel just so wrong and dirty and fetishizing to women if I express attraction to women, I also don’t want to end up as a skinwalker, imitating other women who I find attractive, also I feel like my dysphoria might kick into overdrive with a women because I’d compare my body to hers and also I don’t want to be the masc one with the dick but also with boobs who is just liked for that alone.
And also… I don’t want to be dominant and masculine in a lesbian relationship. I think that a man could make me feel feminine and cared for. Yes, absolutely. Me being a sub and me wanting to be a woman are not the same thing at all. But that societal programming definelty is there yk? And I can also imagine being a woman with a man and bullying him a little and being a little dominant by idk being a brat. I’m sorry if I sound like some perverted freak.
The only reason I haven’t transitioned yet is because I feel sexually impure and want to be clean and don’t want my sexuality to somehow invalidate my gender. Blanchard fucked me up when I was 15y old very badly and allowed me to repress very very inrensly to be honest.
Also aren’t “straight trans woman” the “good ones” tho it started with me with lesbian thoughts and now I’m late-onset
Yea again don’t let me police you, but I get the feeling you’re gonna end up being straight AGP when you transition. You clearly already have some degree of attraction to men and your sexuality can’t give you enough dysphoria to rep, yet not be shameful enough for your brain to change it drastically when you become a woman.
Don’t feel like a perverted freak, all of what you’re feeling is EXTREMELY common for a trans woman lol
What do you mean by that? And how do you specify “straight AGP” and does that mean I’ll be idk the weird freak who thinks of my own body while having sex with men. Like… I’ve been so afraid of this all. Ive practicing imagining the characteristics of the man and what makes me attracted to them. Dicks look hot to me in a way they didn’t before and I want to cuddle a moid. Idk. Also I want to lay my hands on his chest. But idk… am I doing this wrong? It all makes me feel very very insecure and wrong. Also I don’t want to stop liking women. Women are so beautiful. I always just wanted to be share in their sexuality and not idk just do male sexuality to them. I can more imagine myself using a strap on a woman than idk… “doing it the male way”… ugh.
This is all so terribly confusing. Can you idk explain it to me. I don’t want to be the weird sissy freak who likes to take it up his butt.
I want to be a woman and have a boyfriend and idk… the thought of having a girlfriend makes me insecure because wouldn’t she like me more as a man and wouldn’t she be unsatisfied with me and also wouldn’t mind always make me dysphoric in comparison. Idk. It’s weird.
Also still I don’t understand what you meant.
No I said “your sexuality can’t give you enough dysphoria to rep, yet not be shameful enough for your brain to change it drastically when you become a woman”.
i.e. when you transition, because your attraction to women brings you pain and trauma, it will naturally become repressed and even dissipate over time. This is helped along by HRT killing your “male” sex drive which is kept alive primarily by the existence of testosterone in your brain. Eventually your brain begins to favor the attraction to men alone because it will be the only sexuality left that doesn’t bring negative feelings.
Straight AGP does not make you a weird freak who thinks like you described. Straight AGP is essentially the same thing as one of the most common variants of cis woman sexuality in which you like the way being desired by a man as a woman feels and are able to derive positive feelings from this. Type of thing female romance novel authors are into.
I’m almost positive I fall under HSTS myself, and so I am not sure the exact degree of direct androphilia (attraction to dicks and male body parts outside of just the “vibe” of feeling feminine), people with that sexuality have, but I would assume it exists on a scale with most having a modest amount? Part of me feels like HSTS and gay sexuality has more androphilia and it makes me hate myself tbh so don’t feel bad over bot being androphilic enough at any point.
ANYWAY if you want to maintain the attraction to women you’re going to have to disconnect it from your dysphoria (which is very clearly is strongly linked in you) and I am sorry that I cannot be of much help there.
Thanks for the explanation. I think my sexual shame is very global and incompasses all of my sexuality. But you’re right. My sexuality does feel more corrupted on it’s gynephilic side or former heterosexual side due to all the stuff I saw and my fucked up development. With men, I like them both directly but probably not as much as cis gays, but I also like them in the way you’ve described. And when it comes to women, I think you’re right that my dysphoria is standing heavily in the way, plus all of my trauma.
Honeslty at times it feels like all of my sexuality is completely fucked up and I need to idk purify it. Burn it down and let it build itself up again naturally. It’s been a big hurdle in the way of starting transition for me. This feeling of needing to purify myself first. Get rid of every bad programming. All the filthy bad sexual conditioning of pornography.
Sometimes it feels like I need to get rid of it all. That I’ll never be innocent again. Forever tainted. By sexuality. By testosterone. That I will never have neutral grounds to build on.
Do you think I’ll ever have a “natural” sexuality and attraction to men and women?
real. I went down the AGP pipeline where it started off what would be considered basically entirely meta attraction but it did turn into real androphilia slowly over the years as I became more comfortable as a woman and having relationships with them. the meta attraction is still there, I can still find women pretty, but I’m basically exclusively into men as far as sexual attraction goes.
I think there’s a sliding scale where its like:
HSTS - Androphilic Straight AGP - Meta Attracted Straight AGP - Bishit with shame - True Bishit - Lite-bishit - Transbian
and you can move maybe a couple spaces up or down the scale over your life depending on hormones and experience. Also I think “Lite-bishit” is where most trannies fall and “Bishit with shame” is where most 4tranners lay