that’s what dysphoria feels like to me

i wrote this for a friend to try and help them understand:

• the real reason i’m ‘sad’ is complex and hard to explain, but it’s constant and never ending. i don’t hate what i see in the mirror, the problem is i don’t recognise it. That’s not my reflection, it can’t be, that is my eyes, stuck in the face and the body of a stranger, and i can feel my soul when i see that cage. I don’t hate my body because it isn’t mine, it’s the body of the man that murdered me and took my place, and my soul is forced to pilot him and it feels like real physical agony. It feels like a daily psychosis knowing that the world just sees that killer and think it me, when i’m stuck in there and all i want to do is get out but i can’t. Me, the person i should have been, died before she was even born and i was too late to stop what little might have been left and salvageable from rotting away. So now i’m stuck in this place where transitioning isn’t curative it’s palliative, a few things got slightly better but for the most part ive just stopped things from getting worse, there wasn’t really enough of me left to ever be fixed, to ever not be in pain. I can place my life on hold, miss out on the things normal people have like buying houses and starting family’s to throw money at surgery in the hope of carving his form into something that causes me less suffering, but it will never be me. You can reshape a prison make it as comfortable as you like but it’s still a prison. And every day my soul is trapped in it i feel more and more parts of it die. And it feels like the only way to finally let her be free is to murder him back.

so i just say im sad and change the subject instead*

go hug a tree

me too tbf i was being just being silly not mean :(

well you’ve come to the wrong place bucko

oh yeah totally, it’s magic don’t you know :) (YMWV it’s not magic, infact it may not do anything)

it’s getting more based

can always try it alone as see how you feel wearing it

erm, no comment but that’s sex as a troon ig, cis gf is further damage especially as a hon manmoder but yeah

i don’t necessarily “want” to top but it feels nice for gf and idm it too much

it’s not that difficult once you get used to it really and yes it’s way way way better

erm, kinda can be, have to wear it higher over the thing and if you’re wearing pants the thing is contained, sadly it still works otherwise there’d be no issue

i top cis women but only with a strap

incest posting is our culture, learn your ttttqweeer history SMHhead

not based

yes i can sadly

sometimes it was never going to

nothing had got better in three years, i’m tired of watching hope get proven to have been false hope

i don’t want to suffer anymore not for a hollow lifetime

then you’re just another person i hurt when the time comes and i get to make it stop