(Sorry everyone, I shouldn’t had drinked ) I care about my dad a lot. He was always there. I used to think he was this lousy old man but as I grew older, I’ve realized how amazing of a father he actually is. I feel unbelievably lucky to have him as a father, which only makes it hurt how much of a fuck up I am.

He should’ve had a normal daughter to raise and protect. To walk her down the aisle on her wedding. To watch over her children/his grandkids. But I came out wrong. I was his only planned child, and I came out a mistake.

How do you tell a man that his little girl wants to mutilate herself, wants to be a pathetic imitation of a man, and be treated by scum by society? How do you convince him that this isn’t his fault?

He’s probably one of the reasons I haven’t roped yet. I don’t want to crush his heart. He used to say parents aren’t supposed to bury their children. I don’t want to do that to him. Either I can man up and tell him how much of failure his precious daughter is or wait until he passes away peacefully in 10-20 years. Die without knowing how much of a failure his precious daughter is. He deserves better than me

I’ll head to bed soon. Don’t think I’ve cried so hard before. Sorry for the crash out