Honestly, it’s crazy. I have been living with my parents and siblings for the past 20 years, I have been seeing them for almost everyday in my life, talking with them for almost every day in my life. it’s a very integral part of my life, even if I don’t like it. but in 2 weeks now my life will do a 180 turn, It’s hard to believe really… it’s hard to believe I am just abandoning them like that without warning… but there is no other choice. they wouldn’t physically let me walk away from here, so it all has to happen in secret.

But I really do think this is the right necessary step in my life. ever since my late high school life i felt like my life has been stagnating, I haven’t been making progress… i felt empty and dysphoric all the time. I feel like I will just be stuck here forever If I do not move out, in the same room, same chair, same desk… I am 20 years old and yeah I don’t think people should leave their families if they are chill with them, nowadays people live with their parents till their 30s! but even if I was chill with them it wouldn’t be right.

My parents just mentally block me from doing anything with my life really. if I am free I think a lot of new opportunities will open their doors for me. They won’t call me every hour I am outside, I can just step outside and… not be worried about anything. I can just go out whenever I want, I can do literally anything. My mind will literally clear 20 terabytes of dead space of constant worrying. They won’t be inviting me over to a 3 hour lecture on why I shouldn’t lie to my parents and hide things from them, with my dad physically holding me in place and the threat of going through my phone. People take freedom for granted. I already felt like some sort of catharsis when I was with the people last week, talking about my situation. I forgot about my home for a bit there, I was just talking with them… just a bit of chitchat about random stuff, along with my shit. Like it just felt like i was free, talking with people I wanted to. People I was definitely not allowed to hang out with according to my parents.

But yes, it will be hard. I’m a typical son of an Anatolian household: not expected to do any sort of house holding tasks like dishes, washing, cooking… and whatever… my mom will go lengths to do it herself. and I have a bad record with jobs with them fucking me over and firing me all the time. but I think getting diagnosed will be very helpful, since that was impossible RN with parents… just bunch of stuff I have to learn but everybody starts somewhere

and there is this possibility of my parents accepting me actually and wanting me back… but lets be real it will never happen. I am the oldest sibling in the household, so in a way in doing a John 50 by ‘‘abandoning’’ my siblings and stopping being an authority figure for them… and it would just be very difficult to have a faggot like me living in this very small house with sharing a room with my brother…