This sharp pain that I’m feeling, radiating from my heart to my arms, the anguish, the unease, the desire to escape it. I feel it on a daily basis. Yet it never gets easier to process. I understand that it’ll never end. How do I accept it? How do I accept it as a part of my existance? Each episode puts me one step closer towards my death. It’s just the matter of time before that happens. A time will come when my suffering will be so unbearable that I’ll chose the easy way out. I can’t depend on my transition entirely. It could always fail. What then?
That’s the tricky part. You can’t unless you transition in every way meaningful for you
What if I do and it fails? I really have to endure it for 2 more years… But what if it doesn’t get any better and I’ll need ffs? Next (undefined) years pass. Am I really going to survive waiting? What if that time never comes?