I don’t feel any connections right now I remember that I had memories of some of the people on my phone but I don’t know if that’s just made up. So many of my memories were made up. Every time i lied about something I started to remember it as something real. It’s all made up i made everyone and everything up i don’t know how but i feel like i know this much at least. If you’re right and all this is real then I hope I can get those connections back but I just don’t know if it is real i don’t know how to know it doesn’t make sense i‘m sorry. And if this is real. And if i am real and am just having some weird episode then won‘t it just be over by tomorrow? This surely isn’t what it’ll be like from now on it can’t be it cannot be that’s why this has to be fake. I‘m sorry im probably imagining this conversation too
we cant ever really know that anything is real without first assuming that something is real. if we know something is real, we can confirm if other things are real based off of it. thats why i introduced myself and invited you to do the same. it grounds you. it anchors you. it gives you a litmus test with which to measure other things as real or fake. i cant know how real anything will feel for you tomorrow or further in the future, but i can give you my own experience. when i was 13, something terrible happened to me and to a lesser extent my friends. and after that… it was like i was struck by lightning. i changed into a completely different person over the course of a week. my music taste changed, my taste in food changed, my personality 180’d. everything changed for me. and at the beginning, i wasnt sure what was happening to me or that anything was real at all. people would talk to me and id forget their words as they spoke them. i stopped eating normally and stopped talking to my friends. i barely left my room. i got a little better as time passed. i just did what it felt natural to do, what i was supposed to do according to people around me, and the pandemic happened right after that. i eventually started keeping a diary and recording everything. see, ive had a really bad memory since then. i cant rely on my brain to know what happened even a week ago. as long as i write down important things and reread it regularly, i can keep track of where ive been and move forward. my episode never really ended. everything feels real now though. it has for a long while. i frame it for myself as if i were one person and suddenly became another person, but how you choose to frame your life is up to you. i hope knowledge of my experience can help you in some way, as it seems a similar sort of thing is happening for you, though i hope not as bad.
I want to think you’re real you should be you know way too much that seems true and like I couldn’t have come up with it i jsit can‘t ever be sure when i ask myself if someone is real i only know that I don’t know and can’t know for sure unless i trust that my mind isn’t lying to me about everything and that’s hard to believe when it lies about so much. Introducing yourself makes sense i think that’s a good idea i don’t really know how to when I have no idea who i sm but maybe it works once i do. I‘m not sure if this actually happened but i have a feeling i‘ve started over a few times like there were different people who were me in the past. I don’t know if anything happened i don’t think so at least but i don’t know. I think i vaguely remember that I lived as like 4 or 5 different people in that i had a made up character to be depending on the people i was interacting with but I don’t know what that was like anymore and where i lied and where i didn’t and if anyone of them was genuine. I feel kinda curious now and not as terrified everything seems kinda new rn and interesting and i want to know where i am and who i‘m living with and who all the people i apparently talked to are. If any of it is real. Thank you nicole i think your experience helped me you’re really kind and it’s nice that you’re there for me even if i don’t really know you
I don’t feel any connections right now I remember that I had memories of some of the people on my phone but I don’t know if that’s just made up. So many of my memories were made up. Every time i lied about something I started to remember it as something real. It’s all made up i made everyone and everything up i don’t know how but i feel like i know this much at least. If you’re right and all this is real then I hope I can get those connections back but I just don’t know if it is real i don’t know how to know it doesn’t make sense i‘m sorry. And if this is real. And if i am real and am just having some weird episode then won‘t it just be over by tomorrow? This surely isn’t what it’ll be like from now on it can’t be it cannot be that’s why this has to be fake. I‘m sorry im probably imagining this conversation too
we cant ever really know that anything is real without first assuming that something is real. if we know something is real, we can confirm if other things are real based off of it. thats why i introduced myself and invited you to do the same. it grounds you. it anchors you. it gives you a litmus test with which to measure other things as real or fake. i cant know how real anything will feel for you tomorrow or further in the future, but i can give you my own experience. when i was 13, something terrible happened to me and to a lesser extent my friends. and after that… it was like i was struck by lightning. i changed into a completely different person over the course of a week. my music taste changed, my taste in food changed, my personality 180’d. everything changed for me. and at the beginning, i wasnt sure what was happening to me or that anything was real at all. people would talk to me and id forget their words as they spoke them. i stopped eating normally and stopped talking to my friends. i barely left my room. i got a little better as time passed. i just did what it felt natural to do, what i was supposed to do according to people around me, and the pandemic happened right after that. i eventually started keeping a diary and recording everything. see, ive had a really bad memory since then. i cant rely on my brain to know what happened even a week ago. as long as i write down important things and reread it regularly, i can keep track of where ive been and move forward. my episode never really ended. everything feels real now though. it has for a long while. i frame it for myself as if i were one person and suddenly became another person, but how you choose to frame your life is up to you. i hope knowledge of my experience can help you in some way, as it seems a similar sort of thing is happening for you, though i hope not as bad.
I want to think you’re real you should be you know way too much that seems true and like I couldn’t have come up with it i jsit can‘t ever be sure when i ask myself if someone is real i only know that I don’t know and can’t know for sure unless i trust that my mind isn’t lying to me about everything and that’s hard to believe when it lies about so much. Introducing yourself makes sense i think that’s a good idea i don’t really know how to when I have no idea who i sm but maybe it works once i do. I‘m not sure if this actually happened but i have a feeling i‘ve started over a few times like there were different people who were me in the past. I don’t know if anything happened i don’t think so at least but i don’t know. I think i vaguely remember that I lived as like 4 or 5 different people in that i had a made up character to be depending on the people i was interacting with but I don’t know what that was like anymore and where i lied and where i didn’t and if anyone of them was genuine. I feel kinda curious now and not as terrified everything seems kinda new rn and interesting and i want to know where i am and who i‘m living with and who all the people i apparently talked to are. If any of it is real. Thank you nicole i think your experience helped me you’re really kind and it’s nice that you’re there for me even if i don’t really know you