Tbh since the start my transition feels like battling my own head. I’ve never really felt like a woman, and that might be just dysphoria, but my head kills me recently. I started getting those disgusting dreams that look like scenes straight from the worst heteronormative porn imaginable, and I’m the guy in them. This has been reoccurring somewhat, and I’m deeply confused and disgusted after waking up, but my body definitely likes them. Those dreams definitely don’t look like nightmares. I don’t feel like transition is something I’m doing to stay in alignment with myself anymore.

I’m unsure about what to do next, it’s so weird to do this 4 years into transition. Over time I’ve read many stories from trans women who fall asleep and see themselves in a different light, to them their bodies are a prison, but at least in their dreams sometimes they’re truly themselves. That’s not the case for me. The longer I do this the more my head seems to scream I should turn back.

It’s not like I use tranistan or any tttt adjacent spaces much anymore, so it also might be a good time to stop. You’re deeply brainroted but lovely people, I’ll miss you.