Tbh since the start my transition feels like battling my own head. I’ve never really felt like a woman, and that might be just dysphoria, but my head kills me recently. I started getting those disgusting dreams that look like scenes straight from the worst heteronormative porn imaginable, and I’m the guy in them. This has been reoccurring somewhat, and I’m deeply confused and disgusted after waking up, but my body definitely likes them. Those dreams definitely don’t look like nightmares. I don’t feel like transition is something I’m doing to stay in alignment with myself anymore.

I’m unsure about what to do next, it’s so weird to do this 4 years into transition. Over time I’ve read many stories from trans women who fall asleep and see themselves in a different light, to them their bodies are a prison, but at least in their dreams sometimes they’re truly themselves. That’s not the case for me. The longer I do this the more my head seems to scream I should turn back.

It’s not like I use tranistan or any tttt adjacent spaces much anymore, so it also might be a good time to stop. You’re deeply brainroted but lovely people, I’ll miss you.

  • AnnieOP
    1·
    6 days ago

    Just btw, this is the first time I’ve considered this seriously since starting hrt

    • Injected-Ɛ
      1·
      6 days ago

      we really synced up on this, i m not considering medical detrans. as i have already been demaled, but socially or something idk

      • AnnieOP
        1·
        6 days ago

        yeah there were so many detrans posts on that day? weird

        is it something that would make you happier, or just take away from anxiety of being missgendered when you’re trying your best or something?

        to me it seems like it might be deeper, something internal :(

        • Injected-Ɛ
          1·
          6 days ago

          i think it’s both, i want to stop playing the game of trying to pass but also i just like am so disallusioned with traness in general. like i dont think i am actually trans just someone that really isnt a normal man. but idk do u feel like that

          • AnnieOP
            1·
            5 days ago

            I get it, it’s exhausting. It’s not surprising that a brain is trying to look for an escape from notoriously draining social interactions in which you’re constantly doubting yourself and second guessing how you look.

            I don’t know if I feel like that. I’ve never considered detransing this way, even if passing is difficult and all that, if it’s true to me I want to keep fighting. Always.

            It seems like either my body is trying to send me a message, or is straight up torturing me, and I don’t know which one is more horrifying.

            • Injected-Ɛ
              1·
              5 days ago

              i just feel like I don’t really feel anything when i am passing it ALL feels empty, i dont think i will actually do anything just yet.

              i really feel for u, i have that sorta happen it is terrible. idk what it means but dreams r random in my opinion don’t think its a true sign

              • AnnieOP
                1·
                5 days ago

                I honestly think you shouldn’t but I’m just some random from the internet

                Maybe you’re right, maybe it’s just dreams. It’s just weird how my body could like it so much but I’m disturbed the moment I wake up. It’s hard to piece my thoughts together

    • AnnieOP
      1·
      6 days ago

      I honestly doubt that, it’s surreal that these kinds of things are happening to me, because detransing is so rare. I’m honestly also annoyed by the amount of detransing posts because it’s attention seeking, and I don’t mind people dooming, but idk at least play the game seriously? I’m tired