Hi does this make sense or am I dumb.

My motivation for transitioning is changing my sex. That’s it. I’ve been thinking for a while that I’m not really a woman on the inside. I guess I have a non-gendered brain. But my neuroanatomy or whatever just expects a female body.

What if I’m like transsex but not transgender? Idk if I want to be super feminine and fit into rigid lines of womanhood. I don’t know how much I relate to women socially. Like I have no desire at all to be caddy or hsts, and I don’t think I would be friends with women that are. Currently I have no socialization at all from years of isolation and being friendless. I can’t seem to interact with men or women and can’t relate strongly with either.

I don’t think I actually care about being fembrained. I have no interest in making my hobbies fit squarely in one “gender.” My music taste is super autism-brained or maybe male-brained and I don’t care at all. I wasn’t ever that feminine as a kid. I played with toy cars and played video games and liked dinosaurs and was friends with boys mostly. Like I don’t fit the trutrans feminine archetype at all.

I’ve always had autistic interests and don’t seem to fit in with anyone. I’ve always known I was an outcast and would never blend in, and I think I’m going to have to accept this. Being a third-gendered freak might actually put me at ease because I don’t be trying to fit a mold and can just be myself.

It’s also possible this is all cope and I’m seeing womanhood as a monolith when it isn’t.