I really need to delete reddit… I scroll troonselfies to remember how much of a hon I am, I scroll r/askagp to remind myself I’m faketrans, and I scroll TransRepressors to remember the futility of being trans… Cant be healthy

  • ✿hannah✿OP
    3·
    10 days ago

    Its really tempting… I’m 6’2 and don’t think I’ll ever fully pass so idk, just seems pointless. But I love hrt. I love everything it’s doing for me and do not want to get off. I won’t rep, don’t worry (well I’m hrtrepping ig), but it’s easy to give in to the despair

    • polishsneed
      3·
      10 days ago

      It’s far from an easy experience. But does passing 100% perfectly as an attractive cis woman matter to yoy more than judt passing well enough to be considered a woman, which is possible at your height?

      • ✿hannah✿OP
        3·
        10 days ago

        Hmm let me think. Well, the bedrock of me transitioning or being trans is that I hate my male sex characteristics and want female ones. That’s the foundation for everything. I see passing as an extension of how many of the male characteristics I’ve removed, or feminine ones I’ve gained. So if nobody naturally sees me as female if means that I’ve done a poor job and still have male characteristics.

        I don’t need to be an attractive cis woman to be happy I think. I just want to look like a woman at all. And right now everyone just sees male. So I don’t think I need to be perfectly cis passing (although I would prefer it obviously), I just want at least some people to see me as a woman so I know I’m actually doing okay.

        • polishsneed
          3·
          10 days ago

          I understand. I do see it a very similar way. I’m obsessive over reducing my shoulders visually, my body and facial hair, my penis because I csnt afford srs. I try to accentuate my breasts, my somewhat OK face as well. I wont be at ease jf I pass while knowing I didn’t remove my face hair effectively. And don’t worry about uh, being read male. Today I was called male by so many people when being in honmode that at this point I have no clue how cis people see any gender ngl

          • ✿hannah✿OP
            3·
            10 days ago

            How long hrt and how often do you pass? I feel like I want to girlmode but I’ll really be honmoding because my face is pretty bad and then looking at TransRepressors and 4t4 made me demotivated because they said honmoding is worse than death. But my face isn’t going to magically pass without ffs so all girlmoding will be honmoding until then…

            • polishsneed
              3·
              10 days ago

              Today marks my 8th month. I can pass if I effortmaxx on a good day. Usually my voice clocks me.

              • ✿hannah✿OP
                3·
                10 days ago

                Thank you. Okay I think for the time being I’ll still hrtrep and start working on my voice. I think when 8 months comes around I’ll try to judge if my face changed enough or if I’m doomed and girlmode depending on that