i want the body i had before i was obese. i did all the work. i lost the weight. i starved myself. went to bed hungry. cried on the scale. counted calories obsessively to the point where my friends threatened to buy me food since they knew id feel bad if they wasted money on me.
and yet i still carry the scars. my body will never be the same. its ruined. no one could love this body. its disgusting. too fat and too skinny. flab here, flat there. hard yet soft. its horrible.
why did i do all of it? why did i suffer so much losing weight if it was all for nothing? its not fair.
i feel very similar but with my hair… why i had to develop fucking mpb at fucking 20, starting at 18… i started hrt at 23 which should have been enough to avoid it but i had to have horrible genetics… had even a hair transplant but it wasn’t enough and i need another one… barely tried to have a relationship cause i feel so disgusting and unlovable because of this, and also barely went out of my home in all these years, which should have been the best of my life or smth… sry for venting in your vent post, i don’t think that you are unlovable and you deserve a lot more, pls be kind to yourself :c