At this point… I just feel like there is no point in transitioning at all anymore… because it will not work, will make my family kill me or themselves, will destroy my future job opptertunities, will bring about death, misery and poverty to my future and I will still look like a fucking moid. I am 20y old… quite honestly, that is absolute lateshit territory and I am not saying that to ragebait but because we simply cannot compete with the wave of youngshits coming out of the household of accepting parents and because we have to be honest that nowadays 20y old is extremely late and either caused by being faketrans or by knowing that you were trans at a young age but having abusive parents (in my case it is because I am faketrans)…
Life will only get worse…
It all has not gotten better in the last 6 years… maybe I never actually tried to get better, maybe I am too broken or maybe I am just horrifically too comfortable or uncomfortable… I dont know if anything will ever get better…
things dont just get better, and they dont just get worse, life is the worst rollercoaster you will ever be in, theres highs and lows and the most we can do is choose the direction we want to take it
and there is comfort in sadness, comfort in desolation, but its also the bottom of the well, the end of the barrel, to choose such comfort is to abandon the comfort of breeze and of sun
like i said, you dont get to make the highs and lows go away, just choose in what direction you want this ride to be headed