not until the escape from materiality is achieved, until there’s no more rebirth. It’s so simple

i didn’t DIY estrogen and SERMs starting at 9 years old, so I will never be

and no world would exist where one could do such a thing from an official path, as the whole point of transitioning people while young is so they can be more normal. Imagine parents and doctors taking a child seriously that basically wants to look like a forevertwink hermaphrodite Astolfo-esque uke fetishcreature instead of just a normal female? bahahaha. BAHAHAHAHAH. I mean, idk, why do I even think about my prospects of just being me if I restart my life? How many reincarnations would it be until I get born a hyper-particular kind of intersex and look hot enough for my vain-ass histrionic self to not wanna kms while looking in the mirror? Or until I get parents who raise me as a theyby and medicate my dysphoria as soon as puberty hits??? I run those numbers, and yeah, not fucking happening, fuck the human body, fuck biology, fuck this malevolently constructed unbalanced realm!.. So I just need to reunite with the source, I was clearly put here to be farmed, hrt was created to keep people like me hopeful and in the cycle. WELL I’M NOT FUCKING BUYING THIS TRAP OF REBIRTH ANYMORE. All previous incarnations were unhappy with some part of their body, I know this. It’d be the same next time. All of this is just so unbalanced, going outside gives me second-hand dysphoria from looking at basically all people. How are they okay with this? Maybe they’re not, maybe they’re just stronger than me. Maybe “binoids” are just more mentally resilient than me. Maybe I just can’t pick a lane. ahahahaha, well, tough shit for me I guess. I’ll know better than to give this story a fucking part two!!!

Doesn’t hurt to dedicate this life to learning the essentials tho. Cultivating that spark. Meditation, contemplative prayer, study, you name it. Gonna bring myself as close as possible to my transition goals and become fucking sage af, I guess

Well… actually it does hurt, but hurtings nothing new, so what-the-fuck-ever. Not leaving here unprepared or with unfinished business, will not go to my deathbed with any what-ifs, no matter how tempting it may feel at times… must pass through as many life experiences as to satisfy all my curiosities… I’m resolving myself to that rn… I want to hold this promise to all y’all even though I may feel unreliable… I will surgerymaxx… I have to grow comfortable with approaching me someday and living authentically, it’s an essential fear to conquer if I’m to ever know true resolve in spirit… even if “they” will never fully or truly “be” as I see it… and that’s just by design. FUCK