I have probably in my life time accidently seen multiple video of women being raped without even noticing because what the fuck do you expect will happen when you abuse the mind of a teenger with unsupervised internet acess and they end up not even remembering the stuff they have seen because they have seen so much and been exposed so helplessly for such a long time and in such a violent invasive way to the product produced by an industry that systematically abuses and traffics and rapes people. I have seen so much stuff and been programmed by this shit so early on that I probably didnt even notice abuse that was depicted in this stuff… today is of course very different… but is it really different…
When I have seen the pictures of thousands of ripped apart bodies and dead children in war zones and turned away on purpose so that I dont end up going insane… just to make the images stop in my head… when I have seen so many dehumanizing things and depictions… Read about so much violence and suffering… seen so many self harm scares and people who kill themselves… see a video of some poor girl hanging herself… see all this insane shit and simply cannot look away…
And you ask me why I beleive that in the future you will have senseless terrorism… people blowing shit up and killing as many people as they can, not because they actually believe in something, but rather actually because they dont believe in anything… just going out there and hurting people because suffering and pain seems like the only real thing left… Simply the strongest impulse, capable of bringing you back into your body, when everything else seems to try to rip your soul out of you and tear you apart… when everyhing else is framgented…
I am not adovcating for violence in any form… I hate violence… but the world doesnt seem real… doesnt seem like it matters… nothing seems real or stable… only violence seems real… that truth is something not discovered but rather imposed by violence and might alone… that that which I impose by killing every opposing voice… that that is actually truth and meaning.
I am maybe too nihilistic… but the world just seems insane to me… and painful…
And I dont know how to get out of this mindset…
I feel you. Sorry, I won’t be able to help with it. My views on life slowly descended into borderline anti-life sentiments of wanting this world to be over in whatever way is possible too. I hope you will be able to escape these thoughts and not succumb to them like I did, there is nothing here but isolation. 🫂
It is a rather miserable view of the world… this almost schizophrenic dissonance in your brain… where you just want things to fit again, to make sense again… want some sort of ontological purity… want everything in existence wiped out… so that we can start fresh… want all the messiness of this world gone cause it is refusing to exist coherently… becaues it feels like reality is fragmenting and we are just ending up with noise.