I have been less active on tranistan.com the last few days… generally I’ve just been tired, sad, burned out and overwhelmed with university… yesterday I have not used tranistan. I only today found out about all the things that happened. It’s all really tragic and messed up and we all really need a break…
Personally I took care of myself two days ago and was able to lower dysphoria… maybe that’s the reason for why I feel the way I do right now…
Since I found 4tran my desire to transition and my dysphoria have been on an all time high but with everything going on and that has happened…
I’m not sure… I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense anymore… not using tranistant has not made me feel tremendously better but it prevented me from spiraling or obsessing because I was distracted and had to do stuff for university or simply distract myself with mind numbing entertainment or all that stuf… whatever… but I don’t feel okay anymore.
I feel like I don’t want to transition anymore because I don’t want to end up like all of you here… I don’t want to curse my life with misery… because you all have convinced me, blackpilled me that there is no such thing as trans joy, happiness without passing or generally any value to being trans. That it’s wrong.
Maybe I’m just less dysphoric right now… but because of everything that is happening… I just can’t stand it all anymore… if I quit thinking about it all or engaging with anything trans related… then the thoughts might go away… I hope they do… bcause you all made sure that i know that killing yourself is preferable to being trans…
I will probably still use this place… I’m not leaving but if this place is supposed to be a “community” then things really need to change for the better…
You all keep taking about yourselves this way… everybody here just does that all the time and yeah I am part of the problem but what do you expect me to do… just stop being miserable. No, I don’t want to think about all of you this way and I don’t… also me saying “you” was meant to mean “me” and people exactly like me. Many here are gonna make it cause they either are somehow not fucked in the head in a self defeating way or because they are actual larpers who thrive on the suffering of hons. I mean… it seems this way all the time. All the people here who are actually happy, maybe shouldn’t be here because this is meant to be the place for miserable suicidal ugly hons, isn’t it… right?
You and others yourself said that this place is essentially like a self harm forum… then why do people who get upset about this stuff stay here. And yes I get upset about it because I hoped that maybe there is hope and community…
But everything showed me that no, actually not. Life is brutish and only those with value are worth anything and being an ugly tranny makes you worthlwss. If you dont believe this and want to go and be happy then do that. But you all convinced me, made me believe that all this blackpilled shit is true. Because maybe all the self depreciating posts and memes and theories about why we are subhuman are just edgy humor for idiotic fucking 14y olds here that larp as 18y olds but for people like me… it is a fucking reflection of what life feels like… like one big giant: “kill yourself, you disgusting tranny” That’s how life feels.