I feel like everytime I have to dress myself to girlmode I’m about to have an anxiety attack over clothes.
How the fuck do people do this daily and still look good.
The general idea is to have a few go-to outfits and then modify them as you go (having someone help you out with these first few isn’t a bad idea). Once you get a sense of what looks good on you, you’ll become better at spotting things in the wild that’ll work for you.
From there it’s just experimenting and expanding the wardrobe.
I think my problem is I got those couple outfits that I think I look good in and have been terrified to keep experimenting, like I buy new clothes I think I’ll look good in and could use then never wear them because I’m scared of going out in them.
If it’s a top and pants combo, get a different top in the same style (like if it’s a sweatshirt, try the same pants with a thin off the shoulder sweater).
If it’s a dress, again, try and get one in a similar style (a-line maxi dress? get an a-line midi dress in the same color).
Additionally, try throwing layers on top of a current outfit (cropped jackets go with basically everything).
Again, very small steps that keep the core of the original outfit. This lets you build confidence and understanding about yourself, what you like, and what looks good. Eventually, the outfit will have changed so much that it’s a brand new one.
Finally, try out bolder outfits in “safe” spaces. For instance, early in my transition I’d test run outfits in therapy while keeping my day-to-day stuff the same. If I liked how I looked/moved in an outfit there, it went into the rotation.
A nice midi a-line skirt (or dress) is actually surprisingly simple, easy to pull off, and quite flattering. I was scared at first too, but now I feel better in skirts/dresses than I do in pants. It definitely takes a bit of willpower to push past the initial fear, because a skirt “feels” so unapologetically feminine, but once you do it a few times you should feel a lot more confident with it.
As far as safe spaces, this might be intrusive, but do you have irl friends and/or family that are accepting, or are you essentially alone on an island? Also, where do you live (broadly, obviously, like which state or country).
I think I have some dresses in those sizes but all my skirts are mini skirts because I’m stupid. I do really want to wear them because they’re so feminine, I used to as a kid lots.
I have no friends near me unfortunately and my family are supportive in theory but in practice are my harshest critics. I live alone too so it’s not easy. I live in Australia so it’s broadly safe.
Yeah, I definitely went through a mini-skirt phase as well, lol. I would say go thrifting to find some midi skirts (or just wear a dress with a top over it; it actually works great if you layer it right).
That said, a safe space is important, and it sounds like your family might not be the best bet there. Silly as it may sound, fitttts is actually not the worst place to experiment, people are generally nice there. Also, it could be worthwhile to look into lgbtq+ organizations around you where you could go to meet people. Yes, any irl lgbtq+ space is likely to have some degree of cringe people, but a lot of them do mean well (you just gotta make sure you get good at telling the good ones from the shitty ones, but that’s just the case with all people I suppose).
If you live in/near a large enough city, you might also be able to find queer hobby spaces (book clubs especially are a great place to meet other queer people/women who are generally very friendly). Bear with me, I know, but something like a free zine making workshop is actually a wonderful place to meet friendly and accepting people. I’d stay away from traditional “nerdy” hobbies for now as those are really hit or miss with who attends; it’s fine to enjoy them, obviously, but the kind of people that go to an MTG or 40k event are, uh, not always the most trans inclusive (believe me, I play 40k).
I realize I’m basically telling you to “just make friends!”, but the reality is that the being in a group allows you to feel safer, become more confident in yourself, and discover irl third spaces where you can be yourself.
I’ll try fits, I’ve posted to it a few times on Reddit but posting pictures online always makes me nervous.
I’ve attended a lot of different queer events since I came out and I’ve only ever been rejected from those spaces. I don’t really know why but they don’t like me, other trans women especially are always really hostile to me so I’ve not found anything there. It’s why 4tran has become the closest thing I have to having a community.
I feel like everytime I have to dress myself to girlmode I’m about to have an anxiety attack over clothes. How the fuck do people do this daily and still look good.
The general idea is to have a few go-to outfits and then modify them as you go (having someone help you out with these first few isn’t a bad idea). Once you get a sense of what looks good on you, you’ll become better at spotting things in the wild that’ll work for you.
From there it’s just experimenting and expanding the wardrobe.
I think my problem is I got those couple outfits that I think I look good in and have been terrified to keep experimenting, like I buy new clothes I think I’ll look good in and could use then never wear them because I’m scared of going out in them.
Just start small.
If it’s a top and pants combo, get a different top in the same style (like if it’s a sweatshirt, try the same pants with a thin off the shoulder sweater).
If it’s a dress, again, try and get one in a similar style (a-line maxi dress? get an a-line midi dress in the same color).
Additionally, try throwing layers on top of a current outfit (cropped jackets go with basically everything).
Again, very small steps that keep the core of the original outfit. This lets you build confidence and understanding about yourself, what you like, and what looks good. Eventually, the outfit will have changed so much that it’s a brand new one.
Finally, try out bolder outfits in “safe” spaces. For instance, early in my transition I’d test run outfits in therapy while keeping my day-to-day stuff the same. If I liked how I looked/moved in an outfit there, it went into the rotation.
I’m too scared to wear anything with a skirt in public sadly. But thank you. I think Ive mostly been doing this automatically but it’s still hard.
I don’t really have a safe place to try outfits with tho.
A nice midi a-line skirt (or dress) is actually surprisingly simple, easy to pull off, and quite flattering. I was scared at first too, but now I feel better in skirts/dresses than I do in pants. It definitely takes a bit of willpower to push past the initial fear, because a skirt “feels” so unapologetically feminine, but once you do it a few times you should feel a lot more confident with it.
As far as safe spaces, this might be intrusive, but do you have irl friends and/or family that are accepting, or are you essentially alone on an island? Also, where do you live (broadly, obviously, like which state or country).
I think I have some dresses in those sizes but all my skirts are mini skirts because I’m stupid. I do really want to wear them because they’re so feminine, I used to as a kid lots.
I have no friends near me unfortunately and my family are supportive in theory but in practice are my harshest critics. I live alone too so it’s not easy. I live in Australia so it’s broadly safe.
Yeah, I definitely went through a mini-skirt phase as well, lol. I would say go thrifting to find some midi skirts (or just wear a dress with a top over it; it actually works great if you layer it right).
That said, a safe space is important, and it sounds like your family might not be the best bet there. Silly as it may sound, fitttts is actually not the worst place to experiment, people are generally nice there. Also, it could be worthwhile to look into lgbtq+ organizations around you where you could go to meet people. Yes, any irl lgbtq+ space is likely to have some degree of cringe people, but a lot of them do mean well (you just gotta make sure you get good at telling the good ones from the shitty ones, but that’s just the case with all people I suppose).
If you live in/near a large enough city, you might also be able to find queer hobby spaces (book clubs especially are a great place to meet other queer people/women who are generally very friendly). Bear with me, I know, but something like a free zine making workshop is actually a wonderful place to meet friendly and accepting people. I’d stay away from traditional “nerdy” hobbies for now as those are really hit or miss with who attends; it’s fine to enjoy them, obviously, but the kind of people that go to an MTG or 40k event are, uh, not always the most trans inclusive (believe me, I play 40k).
I realize I’m basically telling you to “just make friends!”, but the reality is that the being in a group allows you to feel safer, become more confident in yourself, and discover irl third spaces where you can be yourself.
Thank you, I’ll look at getting some midi skirts.
I’ll try fits, I’ve posted to it a few times on Reddit but posting pictures online always makes me nervous.
I’ve attended a lot of different queer events since I came out and I’ve only ever been rejected from those spaces. I don’t really know why but they don’t like me, other trans women especially are always really hostile to me so I’ve not found anything there. It’s why 4tran has become the closest thing I have to having a community.
yeah same it always looks a little weird to me and i feel like ppl are gonna judge
I’m constantly scared of being judged in public which makes it so much harder