like i’ve got so much stuff to actually do, but i just can’t motivate myelf to do it. i’ve pretty muchstaring at my stuff to do for the past 3hrs and done absolutely nothing. i just don’t care about it
like i’ve got so much stuff to actually do, but i just can’t motivate myelf to do it. i’ve pretty muchstaring at my stuff to do for the past 3hrs and done absolutely nothing. i just don’t care about it
i honestly didnt realise that was a thing. I mean i dont think so, but my mood does flip flop a lot.
like my view of myself can go from believing i’m the best person to ever exist, to the worst, most disgusting person ever in an hour, and the mood stays for a while.
even when i’m confident in myself i still don’t care though. sorry for trauma dumping but i gen have no one to talk to
Dw its not really dump + i asked soooo
Cant this be like tied to cyclothymic disorder or smth ? U never went to see a professional for this ?
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i meet nearly all the symptoms.
i thought i would get better. i thought this was all just due to shit dosing on oral hrt. but i’ve been on injections for ages now, and its not stopped.
whats worse is youre probably right. i am a broken person. first i’m a tranny, then i need glasses, then i realise i’ve never actually felt empathy towards anyone. i dont want to be a sociopath, i didnt choose any of this, i dont want to be alone forever but thats exactly what will happen
i cant tell my family as they’ll take my hrt away, i cant tell my friends because they would abandon me, and i cant tell authority either cuz i’ll never be able to legally transition with a personality disorder on my record. i’m so alone.
i’m usually so good at only relying on myself, but why isnt it working this time?
sorry please ignore me, i dont mean to drag anyone else down with me
I wont ignore u, its clear that you need help.
My guess was pretty vague, if you can you should consult a professional of those subjects. Maybe the answers theyll give you can help dealing with it.
Youre friends are clearly against those things ? Or you think their reaction would be bad ?
Where you live the medical files and administrations charged of names etc are linked ?
thank you for listening. I mean I’d like to tell a professional, but the thing is, once you get something like a personality disorder on your record, they can just hold it against you & use the disorder to say “oh ur too emotional to make that decision”, or at least that’s what I think anyway in the UK. especially as I want my records to be legally changed to female so I can get srs, they hold personality disorders against you, I’ve seen it happen to someone who was my friend.
I tried speaking to someone once when I was younger and nieve but my teacher betrayed my trust and had me pulled out of lesson later that day and had some person try to get me to confess to being gay or a horrible person, I’m not too sure.
i also think all my friends would leave me too. who wants to be around someone who’s mentally ill. Ur just a drag on the whole group. no I just pretend that I’m happy and if it gets too much I step away to calm down where no one can see me.
reading this all sounds a bit pathetic tbh. thank goodness I’m not saying any of this to a real person irl
Oh okay, i see.
If youre not able to live without being suicidal or having episodes meds would help, thats why i asked if u had ever seen a professional. But indeed the healthcare system is super violent and uses everything it can against us.
Im sorry you dont have more open minded ppl around you. Theres no possibility for you to meet any new person ? I mean, i you live in a not too small city it might have a trans association.
Sorry if i sound naive !
it’s okay, I don’t blame u if u are naive, you don’t know my situation at all. I’m just appreciative that someone has talked to me.
obviously i’ve felt mega miserable to the point of wanting to die or frustrated that there’s nothing I can do. thankfully, I’ve sort of developed some coping mechanisms myself over tim, which aren’t harmful, like escapism in books. I don’t think i’ll ever get to that point, and if I do I’d at least try stuff to be ok like fully transitioning to everyone 24/7 regardless of consequence.
now that it’s been a day it’s less “they will hate me” and more “I didn’t know”. like some days I feel like I do have open minded friends, of them, 2 are lesbians and one is gay, and they clearly feel comfortable as one even confided in me first before telling anyone else, even parents. but the thing is, I don’t think any of them would reciprocate and care about me. like I don’t want to dump my problems and be a huge burden when I’m clearly a fake and fraudulent woman.
Oh, you should talk to your friends. Little by little, introduce the topic, its not like theyre heterosexual. If they support you it will help u so so bad