I am still flipping back and forth between daydreaming about how great it’s going to be when I have fully transitioned just doing exactly what I am doing in the moment. Just studying, making dinner, working, and even sitting around seems so much more appealing when I theoretically feel comfortable in my skin one day.

Then I feel an existential crisis of that I am ruining my life for a fake reason I am going to spend all this money I’m saving up blasting away my beard with lasers just to grow older then realize that I am not trans all the while be left with gyno and no beard.

I can understand in reflection that it’s clear that I am not making a mistake but my brain doesn’t get the message consistently enough