Like, it feels agp but I know that doesn’t make any sense. I feel like referring to myself as girl with like she/her pronouns is “controversial”. there’s always a voice telling me “you’re not a woman stop lying you fucking hon”. I see other trans women as women and trans dudes as dudes, but it’s like my brain has an exception for myself. My brain is constantly pounding my head with guilt about being trans.
That would be years of internalized issues affecting your like self perception. The best thing you probably can do is like reassure yourself that, that voice is wrong that you are a woman. Try vocalizing it out loud next time it happens. Like when you feel it happening inside say out loud to yourself “No I am a woman, I’m not lying to anybody or myself.” Some way to at least build up your self confidence and to quiet down those thoughts and feelings.