This is it. You excuse all of their gross value, boundary, and moral violations as “just human”. You think of them as a special person deserving of grace.

And it’s fucked you up.

It starts at childhood where you are told to bury extremely disrespectful behavior as just a normal, common mistake.

So you think you must be understanding, accommodating, and loving if you truly empathise with them.

With normally fucked people this gets taken advantage of in small ways which you clock and stop.

With extremely fucked people who go from 0-100 any minutes this is THE escape they need.

Your accommodation becomes theirs. Literally.

They see you as a part of them and feel entitled to any and everything you give. And this is called enmeshment.

The more you ignore their fucked up behavior as “just a human mistake” the more they see how much you are willing to tolerate.

The moment I stood up for myself my friend flipped and split on me so bad. I wish that moment had happened early in our friendship.

Now you might think “but aren’t we all supposed to live with kindness? If I can’t forgive and forget this then I am the problem!”

Buddy, if you did even 1% of what they do - they would spartan kick you out of their life. There’s a huge difference between giving grace to healthy people who respect you and fucked up people who disregard you. I know it’s confusing to find out what kind they are. So observe the patterns. Their behaviors will reveal this. Not their words. Not the sweet nothings and fake promises.

Remember manipulation, future faking, splitting, devaluation, lovebombing, intense trust are PART of their disorder. They are not just traits your loved one picked up one, it’s ingrained in their personality. It IS their personality. And when that’s the pattern, any sort of a healthy relationship with yourself in their presence becomes impossible. Unless you have blinders on and let them use you.