I am like 99% sure I’ll never be happy living as a man and on a rational level I get that I should just try to efortmaxx and troon out, but there is always a retarded voice in my head telling me that I’m delusional and should try to be comfortable as I am (I mean, if someone said they need plastic surgery or they’ll never feel good about themselves, you’d probably tell them they’re stupid). This is probably related to the fact that I’m ngmi (190 cm/6"3’ tall, yay), but I’ve already tried to “just accept myself as a man” and it didn’t really work (Do I just need to try harder?), so it’s really annoying. What did you do to stop thinking this?
Dysphoria is like death, in the end it always wins. Accepting that fact is helpful to me.
waow this is so wise. can you explain more what this is like for you.? what experiences for you is it helping when you accept dysphoria is going to win. is this more a pessimistic thing to help accept & acknowledge ongoing suffering or is it more about helping yourself not rep?
It makes me stop overthinking. I know how I felt before and after HRT. HRT was more effective than any antidepressant ever was. I tried it out and from this point knew there is no turning back. I knew how I felt before HRT. No threats, no consequences would ever make me rep because I know what it would be like. I’m not going to become a hollow shell, never again. The difference is so night and day that I can do nothing but accept the fact that this is who I am. Repping would be denying myself and I am an honest person.
It is acceptance, but not necessarily pessimistic. I’m depressed about certain physical features, but the acceptance that I’m trans itself is so fundamental that I never question if I am actually trans. So basically it’s even stronger than just helping not to rep, the idea of repping just doesn’t arise to me in the first place.
thanks for this. I’m glad HRT made such a huge difference for you. Repping isn’t something I’d ever do (again? depends if semi-forcerepping counts) either; however, I wouldn’t say it’s because I noticed a real difference in how I feel on or off HRT. I can’t picture having any other life plans, if I gave up transitioning, I’d have to give up my will to live. If I stayed alive after that point, I’d become a hollow shell too. I don’t think I’ve actually experienced that state in my past, as I’ve been planning to transition for longer than it has been my most important problem to solve. Because of this effect, I wonder if HRT’s benefits for you are more biochemical or more psychological? If the latter, we’re pretty much the same, but if the former, we’re quite different.
I think the psychological effects are immense for me. I really believe I’m a different and better person since I started HRT. I used to be very cold.
The biochemical stuff is good, stopping masculinisation is incredibly important to me. But breast growth, fat redistribution and softer skin can’t compare to the psychological improvement.