Keep flip flopping between wanting and being scared of SRS, keep thinking I’m a man and that being ok, keep noticing how my dysphoria is forced sometimes. Idk why I do this but I feel this need to.
I don’t hate HRT, I’m leaning positive on the changes but I just find it so strange why I want it. What even caused me to start and want to be a woman at 21?
There’s more detriment than benefit for me being a tranny so why do I want it? Maybe it’s because I found a community I love. Maybe this is all just OCD brainworms. Idfk anymore. Maybe it’s possible for me to cope as a man for the rest of my life. I was able to do it for nearly a decade and maybe I can do it again.
Feels like I don’t have enough dysphoria to validate transition for myself. Maybe it’s because I’m so emotionally inept and have trouble feeling literally anything genuine.
Anyone else like this?
I’m actually frightened by how relatable this all sounds and how similar my background is. What the actual fuck? I think we are long lost siblings or cousins or some shit like that this is surreal. I can relate to almost everything you’ve said.