I really feel I am at this rate it lines up too well. Would explain how I’m still a neet at 27
My general preference for isolation. being unable to feel that close to people, big apathy issues, being flat emotionally. Lack of care for social norms (had some hygine problems when I was younger, mostly fixed now but it’s a drag for me to do at times)
And the biggest one is just lack of motivation. It’s seriously worrying, how do I make progress in life this way? And realizing I’m trans just threw a wrench into it further. I have even less interest because I’ll probably not be able to afford anything beyond hrt and laser. What’s just the point, this body isn’t mine anyways.
Though it could be other things, a lot of symptoms overlap with autism which I am diagnosed with, as well as anxiety, and I do have chronic insomnia and adhd I’m trying to get under control. I have big DPDR issues. But knowing my luck I just have everything. In my more paranoid moments I think I am just full on schizophrenic but I dont have delusions or hallucinations.
I dunno I really feel this is the end of the line for me, except I can’t even find the motivation to rope either, just decay further.
Feels like i could’ve written some of this post. im sorry i don’t have much advice (provided you want any)
for paranoia: in my paranoid times (sister paper to the new york times, it’s a far more sobering read i assure you.) i think music can help. also writing it out. writing it out helps. but that’s for me. might not be the same for you.
i think i’ve got some schizo shit going on. i used to think zoid but its more likely to be typal i think, if anything. i don’t really care to get diagnosed though even if i could. lot of it could be autism similar to you. idk i was a little scared of it (cuz i know what schizophenia looks like from family members and i didn’t want it to develop into that) for a bit but then i realized i don’t care and its very freeing.
any advice on hygiene lol?
ye i remember seeing you talk about this somewhat on the subreddit
I have to be some variety of it there’s no way I’m not at this rate, like I plan on either moving or going to school this year but I just can’t bring myself to actually seriously want and care for anything at all and I just don’t know why. schizophrenia doesn’t run in my family so im not worried, i did learn my cousin has it which makes me paranoid but that’s the only one and it could easily be from my uncles wifes side whom im not related to.
idk on hygiene sadly, its got better since I was a child but its just a real drag to do and sometimes itll slip for like a week until I feel disgusted enough with myself to brute force through the apathy.
My personality is very StPD-coded even at baseline, and I basically meet full diagnostic criterion for StPD and have talked about it in psychotherapy. The main reason why I can’t be diagnosed is because I’m actually too psychotic for the disorder, as the DSM specifies that anything more than quasi-psychotic features is disqualifying (bipoloid here). Also it’s already been established that I’m an autistic BPD’er who’s dysregulation is mostly internal, which is pretty adequate for explaining my StPD features without warranting a schizophrenia-spectrum diagnosis. I do have schizophrenia in the family tho and dread the possibility that I’ll qualify for being outright schizoaffective in the future (my parents shouldn’t have bred holy fuck kms)
Just the other day I found out a cousin of mine has outright schizophrenia, I was already worrying about this before but now that just drove this all into overdrive
What do you mean by BPD but being mostly internal dysfunction? I do think similar at times but idk
For the record I’m not really trying to claim or say I have all these things cause I get that can be annoying I just am trying to figure out just what the fuck is wrong with me.
I only know for sure I have ADHD, Autism, Depression and Anxiety, those are all the ones I have officially diagnosed I think.
The internal dysregulation comment was speaking of BPD subtypes and where I align on that (which are not diagnoses themselves, but simply different borderliner symptom combinations that are widely acknowledged).
So you can have BPD’ers with a more petulant presentation of symptoms, for example. They’re more external, more likely to explode on others when they get dysregulated, and are typically quicker to get diagnosed with BPD in large-part because of this. And then there’s the more “discouraged”/“quiet” borderliners like myself, who instead of lashing out at others, we will turn our dysregulation inward, and be extremely internally chaotic, even if the people around us would never be able to guess as much.
Quiet BPD is pretty easy to misdiagnose as StPD or AvPD, especially in StPD’s case, as there’s psychotic-adjacent features of BPD that are less talked about. Especially in regards to both disorders tendency to kind of assign a negative and Matrix-like moral character to “the universe”, which you’ll sometimes see described as a “schizotypal worldview”, tho it’s in no ways exclusive to StPD. And interpersonal distress can trigger psychotic-like episodes as well, which can also confuse people into percieving someone’s condition as more schizophrenia-spectrum than it really is. And it’s common for pseudo-psychotic features to be most pronounced in borderliners when they’re left alone. Like, for example, it’s pretty typical for a BPD’er to have subclinical paranoid delusions about being watched that completely go away when placed with somebody they trust, and a lot of that comes from the borderliner brain struggling to contextualize it’s own existence without being perceived, so the brain lowk minorly hallucinates to hold you together, tho some level of insight is typically maintained… and I’m sure you can see why that’s a pretty StPD-like trait which can still be explained with BPD.
So yeah Autism + Quiet BPD can present very schizotypally.
Super appreciate the in-depth explanation, thank you.
I’ve also heard this previously described as “covert bpd” as well
I always did kinda resonate with some symptoms of it but I always wrote it off on account of that I just never have out bursts and I do have a decent amount of lengthy friendships. Though all online.
I internalize a lot of stuff and get super dysfunctional because of it.
Will look into this more in the future, still dont know though, all I know is im severely mentally ill and my brain just does not fucking work at all.
No problem. Happy to help tbh
Yeah covert is sometimes used to describe this kind of style that I (and potentially you) have. It’s more typical in NPD talks in my experience tho.
Yeah it’s funny cuz I was much the same. For years I was in this space where I clearly resonated with a bunch of BPD symptoms, but my theymab ex, who I was still with at the time, was a textbook petulant who shed a lot of doubt on that possibility… so I went into treatment for a bunch of other stuff before I swung back to realizing I shouldn’t have doubted the BPD possibility. The potential number of symptom combinations for BPD is pretty crazy, and the kind of breadth of knowledge needed to actually understand the subject doesn’t really survive any succinct explanation of the matter, and most people only understand it in pop-psych terms, which typically amounts to villainizing externalizing borderliners, while forgetting internalizers even exist… but yeah if your internal world is super rocky but you hold it together externally, that’s far from disqualifying… and I will say that your friendship pattern sounds identical to my own lol.
almost assuredly a BPDemon but undiagnosed because I dont need that shit in my life lmao I can DiY my own DBT thank you




