Used to be a passoid bcuz 5’7", SEA, my Mom obsessed with me doing skincare, I grew my hair out in highschool, malefailed in my senior year. Couldn’t get into my dream uni so now I’m at a Tranny Killer State University that gives free College, so had to detran
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I’m gonna start DIY in 6-9 months, not now cuz I don’t have the money yet and I’m trying to save up. Living at a country where your money is worth piss in comparison is so over, but at least SubQ vials last for more than a year, and I’m only turning 19 by the time I can get my shots, so I have that going for me. I can post a picture of when I used to malefail if anyone wants to rate me
I already have an exit plan and all that, took BSEE too for easier exit. High functioning, and masking so even if I start HRT I won’t get clocked(although I already get maam’d even pre-hrt, but boymoding is pretty easy), and I can push through with my exit plan. Idk what to write about anymore, I don’t like to post so my writing is awkward af. Only being able to save up like 2$ a day feels so horrible, seeing how much I need to make just to stop my body from giving me Total Tranny Death and making me look like my dad(Although I look more like my mom, but testosterone will probably take that away from me in my mid-20s unless I start DIY).
Only way for me to get a shot to not being in complete poverty is going to the tranny killer university and detransitioning, they police hair cuts, the people here are conservative, you can just feel the vibes in them like they’re mountain people who cannibalizes queer people if they sense it in you. Just four more years of misery, another year or two of gaining work experience, then I can finally get out of here. Just dissociate, supress everything, and wait, just 5-6 more years, I’ve done it all my life, a few more won’t make a difference. But they are very well-known, and taking this offer is my only good chance at having a good life, one that wouldn’t force me to stay here and pay student debt, still feels pretty bad though.
Sometimes I miss having long hair, dressing up in frilly clothes, going out to parties and malls in feminine clothing, playing at the arcade with my friends, knowing they all see me as a girl, and are even protective of me. But I don’t have any of them now, it’s better this way I guess, at least I can completely shut off all my emotions and I can actually be inactive, and pass time.
Not looking for money, don’t donate, just testing the waters out °^°
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I’m not a fed :<
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I jst wanted to speak about what it’s like to know what it is that I need but not have the capacity to see it through… y is everyone so mean 2 me, everyone hates me… </3
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I’ve always fantasize about just dying, I accidentally overdosed once and that made me not want to do it via overdose. I got in a crash with my dad’s bike, I let myself stay on the ground for a bit, wishing I would be dead then and there, but I wasn’t so I stood up. I tried tying a knot when I was 11, I think. But I didn’t have any rope, just my blanket, and it would keep letting me go.
I’m not very good with self harm, my parents objectified me at birth to be their perfect golden son that would make a lot of money for them and they always locked me in my room to study, or kicked me out of the house if I couldn’t answer enough. It passed onto me so now I can’t really do self harm that if it doesn’t outright kill me, would leave lasting marks. Sometimes I punch my leg until it’s bruised all over and green and purple and walking on it hurts, sometimes I hit my diaphragm or just my rib cage until it gets difficult to breath. I let my cats scracth me and let things wound me so I can put all sorts of chemicals into the wound just to make it hurt a lot. But I’ve never went out of my way to have a lasting self harm on myself, or even actually attempt cuz I’m a coward :/
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why does everyone hate me :(
this is such a larp post but on 1% chance it isnt idm cashapping u a bit so that u dont need to wait that long to diy
like ik that ts isnt real but fellow troons not being able to get hrt genuinely breaks me
it’s real TvT, why does everyone think Im larping omg, I know I sound socially inept and robotic, gosh, I don’t mean to, fml ;~;
ur either a glowie or u need to lurk moar
ye I should probably just lurk… sry… im not used to spaces like this…
I’m more or less waiting that long because I need to buy some storage stuff to buffer the really hot tropical climate, +horrible humidity, I’m not familiar with crypto yet, I know e-wallets are a thing but my mom made me get a license so she can have all e-wallets possible to my legal name as her own for her business, so I have to do it discreetly or I’ll get killed cuz tranny killer country. They’re very controlling, I’m also sheltered, and they disturb my room pretty frequently. So on top of having to juggle college that I’m trying my best to not fail a single class in so I can leave as soon as possible, I have to worry about them, I’m trying to buy myself time to think up of a plan before I full commit because if I get caught they would probably instituionalize me. I already have a history of being GNC, I made my mom buy me dresses in her disdain, so all they need is one definitive proof I’m a tranny before they disown me
Pls look into the camera I need to take ur picture
What free college i need to get out of my country lmao
I live in a country that was colonized by multiple countries for 300 years, the people here are trained to be drones and are outsourced to be cheap labor for other countries. The government doesn’t want to spend any money in infrastructure so they built the whole economy on remittances, taking over what the americans bought our country from the spaniards for. One of their aids in propagating that was having tons of state universities that are free colleges so people won’t be discouraged by the prices of college and by extension, high-skill work, which the country needed to desparately fight for to have even more money. They built those systems so we can be their good working class that gives them money while everyone is going deeper and deeper in poverty because they care more about enriching themselves
It sucks that other countries don’t have free colleges too :< My greatest motivation to studying is to never be indebted to my parents and give them another thing to dangle over my head and guilt me into being their good subservient son
India?
Philippines ^^
Oh waow
this post is my 13th reason
I’ll never voice pass because my teacher, grandparents, aunts & uncles, all adults in my life mocked me for having a “baby” voice, had to practically voice train into masculinizing my voice out of shame.
Now I sound scary, perfect male projection that reverberates throughout halls and classrooms whenever I speak, it instills fear to everyone that hears me, even myself, I feel so disgusted at myself whenever I speak. Sometimes I speak in non-native language and see just how feminine my voice naturally is when I’m not using male-mode voice, but the damage can’t be undone and I just sound like a faggot it’s over for me </3
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“naturally feminine voice” fuck you
iwnbaw, I h8 my stupid moid life. It sucks that I knew what it was once to be accepted by cissies, now I’ll never ahve that ever again, They should’ve never gave me friends. I miss them so much, I miss going to random malls, going to the park at 4am, going to various billiard places, karaokes, arcades, on foot beacuse we were broke highschool kids. I’ll never have friends gaain.
I still kinda pass, I look like a butch lesbina, my queer acquiantances call me a butch lesbain all the time, but I want to be pretty, I want to be cute again, I want to be a princess and be surrounded by cissoids who do their best to protect me, I miss my friends, yet I don’t at the same time, they were bad people. But what we had was amazing. Hey Hachi
