Used to be a passoid bcuz 5’7", SEA, my Mom obsessed with me doing skincare, I grew my hair out in highschool, malefailed in my senior year. Couldn’t get into my dream uni so now I’m at a Tranny Killer State University that gives free College, so had to detran

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I’m gonna start DIY in 6-9 months, not now cuz I don’t have the money yet and I’m trying to save up. Living at a country where your money is worth piss in comparison is so over, but at least SubQ vials last for more than a year, and I’m only turning 19 by the time I can get my shots, so I have that going for me. I can post a picture of when I used to malefail if anyone wants to rate me

I already have an exit plan and all that, took BSEE too for easier exit. High functioning, and masking so even if I start HRT I won’t get clocked(although I already get maam’d even pre-hrt, but boymoding is pretty easy), and I can push through with my exit plan. Idk what to write about anymore, I don’t like to post so my writing is awkward af. Only being able to save up like 2$ a day feels so horrible, seeing how much I need to make just to stop my body from giving me Total Tranny Death and making me look like my dad(Although I look more like my mom, but testosterone will probably take that away from me in my mid-20s unless I start DIY).

Only way for me to get a shot to not being in complete poverty is going to the tranny killer university and detransitioning, they police hair cuts, the people here are conservative, you can just feel the vibes in them like they’re mountain people who cannibalizes queer people if they sense it in you. Just four more years of misery, another year or two of gaining work experience, then I can finally get out of here. Just dissociate, supress everything, and wait, just 5-6 more years, I’ve done it all my life, a few more won’t make a difference. But they are very well-known, and taking this offer is my only good chance at having a good life, one that wouldn’t force me to stay here and pay student debt, still feels pretty bad though.

Sometimes I miss having long hair, dressing up in frilly clothes, going out to parties and malls in feminine clothing, playing at the arcade with my friends, knowing they all see me as a girl, and are even protective of me. But I don’t have any of them now, it’s better this way I guess, at least I can completely shut off all my emotions and I can actually be inactive, and pass time.

Not looking for money, don’t donate, just testing the waters out °^°

      • Koolplayer12OP
        03·
        1 month ago

        I jst wanted to speak about what it’s like to know what it is that I need but not have the capacity to see it through… y is everyone so mean 2 me, everyone hates me… </3

          • Koolplayer12OP
            01·
            1 month ago

            I’ve always fantasize about just dying, I accidentally overdosed once and that made me not want to do it via overdose. I got in a crash with my dad’s bike, I let myself stay on the ground for a bit, wishing I would be dead then and there, but I wasn’t so I stood up. I tried tying a knot when I was 11, I think. But I didn’t have any rope, just my blanket, and it would keep letting me go.

            I’m not very good with self harm, my parents objectified me at birth to be their perfect golden son that would make a lot of money for them and they always locked me in my room to study, or kicked me out of the house if I couldn’t answer enough. It passed onto me so now I can’t really do self harm that if it doesn’t outright kill me, would leave lasting marks. Sometimes I punch my leg until it’s bruised all over and green and purple and walking on it hurts, sometimes I hit my diaphragm or just my rib cage until it gets difficult to breath. I let my cats scracth me and let things wound me so I can put all sorts of chemicals into the wound just to make it hurt a lot. But I’ve never went out of my way to have a lasting self harm on myself, or even actually attempt cuz I’m a coward :/