i keep thinking about it. i’m realizing how permanent my voice dropping is. it’s kinda freaking me out. and i’m not sure for how long i can hide it. voicetools thinks it’s in male range. that incel voice website thinks i’m a voicel but not the most cooked type of voicel. but no one has said anything to me irl about it. i have no fucking clue how people gender me and i’m trying to not use gendered bathrooms anymore, so i don’t freak people out in there
bruh why am i doing this again. i’m normal. i’m literally just so normal, i couldn’t be a tranny. maybe i’m fine being a girl. should i be concerned that every time i make a post it’s one of these detrans baity ones? maybe i am faketrans. like actually. like genuinely just cis
emotionally it can get pretty complicated.
this can be especially true when your body becomes this odd mix of sexual dimorphic traits. if i look at the breasts im developing without really looking at the rest of my body, it makes me smile. i like it. when i view my whole body along with my breast, i think that same thing: “holy fuck im so ugly”.
navigating it all its incredibly hard, and theres much to think about. with T theres a more permanent effect as well, which can definitely make things more distressing.
it isnt uncommon to feel a bit at a loss regarding what your heart really wants. i agree that writing and talking about these things can really help. thats why i have both a journal and a video diary. i recommend starting a journal if you dont have one already.
do what feels right, stay true to yourself, and im sure everything will be just fine <3