like, i am just as miserable and depressed and hate myself and my body as much as i did pre trooning. if not more in someways. the only reason im not absolutely 100% more miserable is because i lost nearly 100lbs and im happy about that at least.
but estrogen hasnt done anything for my mental state. there has been no clearing of mental fog. i dont have more energy, i dont feel more like myself, etc. i believe mental stuff like that is placebo personally, but everyone else doesnt seem to. but if its real like they say it is, then why didnt i get it?
the only explanations are that im faketrans or it isnt real. but if i say im faketrans and concede that fine, its not a placebo, i just get told that its complicated. or that i just dont have an unbiased view of myself or whatever. literally doing the evil psych thing of “i believe in X so if someone says Y that means theyre just not conscious that they really actually have X.” its stupid. i know myself better than any random trannies on the internet do. i experienced nothing when it comes to feeling mentally better. nothing at all. so which is it? am i faketrans, or is it a placebo?
yeah i mean the amphetamines could be doing it. i also get similar churning feelings when im off antidepressants and in an extreme mood swing. idk im not a biochemical dysphoria person, i definotely dont think i function any better on e (function worse, possibly), but i did feel a difference between being t dominant and being e domjnant. i thought it was placebo but recently being on dht blockers which shouldve made me feel better by placebo i felt the churning was worse… because my testosterone isnt converted to dht, so its higher. idk. extreme anecdotal honscience i admit.