getting “i really am just a man huh” vibes rn

like what’s the point of doing anything if my body is just going to be inherently like this i was meant to like do high impact professional sports and do heavy construction work and sign up for war and commit atrocities or some shit

i already started too late at 26 and now i find out i wasnt even doing that correctly anyway and now its 3 years later

actual agp fetishism

no not that “ooh i only knew i was trans when i was 5 weeks old instead of 2 days” or “i’m into women” i constantly doubt my “real” motivation to transition and i genuinely feel fucked as a human being

also TIL i apparently have really high natal T or something so i’m like genetically predisposed to being a perverted freak plus (oh and a man in general) there’s pretty debilitating autism so there’s probably something going on there

surely EEn 8mg/weekly will save me 🤡

the silver lining here is that i can go oh well at least there’s something i can fix about it, it’s not like “oh well your transition isnt going anywhere and its garbage but your numbers are good so there isnt anything you can actually do so fuck you i guess”

what if you have enough dysphoria to take hrt and then develop reverse dysphoria, wouldn’t that mean you have x2 dysphoria meaning you’re double trutrans

in what regard

tranistan.com has been the only time i’ve seen lemmy not be a cobweb pile (no i didn’t actually look that hard lol)

then again, i’m also not sure if this place is like a fad or not. hope it’s not, but it is a bit of a new toy rn afaik

all i’ve heard about her is that she’s this theyfabby fake progressive type…? never double checked though

apparently if you try to get checked for adhd here you get the “ok but can we talk to your parents or someone from your childhood so we know you’re not lying?” even when you’re like 30

when i switched from pills to vials i think i had like a 90% cost reduction stat lying around

idk if that counted needles and wipes and supplies though but it was an absolutely absurd drop either way

oop

is it actually dysphoria too? not just like, “i want it to make me look like man/woman but it just makes me look weird and ugly” kinda deal or is it nb stuff

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i mean i just don’t have friends 😼

this is assuming the whole “hrt gives cis people reverse dysphoria” is even true

(this is the thing where you’re wondering if most cis people just sit at some kinda comfortable middle where they could secretly be ok either way or something and that strong sex dysphoria is rarer)

well there’s a confirmation bias angle to it isn’t there

the two sides are “waah waah i only knew when i was 6 instead of 2 and also it’s not even that severe anyway waah” and “damn i’m actually faketrans but if i go into detail about it what if people are actually disgusted by me? or i get banned?”

i think whatever the case is i’m just going to take my chance with hrt if the only counter argument is like, r/askagp or whatever, or it’s like “ok so you might be faketrans, but do you really wanna risk finding out what you’ll do when you crack at 50?”