I love my mum but I am genuinely so scared of her I think shes a big reason why im such a mess today , she is a genuine nightmare when shes angry and when I talk about it with social workers they tell me I just have to accept it and that its my fault also because my stupid autism brain makes me go nonverbal when shes angry bc of how scared I am of her. I used to lash out at her when I was like 10 but now I just freeze up and cry, even when im crying my eyes out she doesnt care she still berates me. She often violently grabs me and when its really bad she drags me across the floor. She still confiscates my stuff like im 5, she definitely views me as a baby because of my autism. Im glad she doesnt spank me anymore bc she used to when I was very little and whenever I mention it to her she tells me she didnt or that it wasnt painful. She acts like im a big threat to her and that im scary bc im male (shes acted this way ever since i was lile 14), when Im a 5ft 3 weakling whilst shes fat and easily overpowers me I often have to get her to open things bc im too weak too. I am just so tired :( sorry for the long rant I just dont have anyone to tell this too