that was truly my last ever chance to speak with her, its over. im not living without her. i will just disappear. ive made that mistake of telling people too many damn times. ive made the mistake of trusting people who i thought had my best interest in mind into them stabbing me in the back, putting me at the lowest point of my 22 years of living. im sorry lils, im so sorry. none of this had to happen if i just killed myself silently on monday like i shouldve. all i feel is guilt and pure despair, i cant eat, i cant sleep, ive thrown up 1 of my 2 meals today from crying. im about to throw up another. i cant stop shaking either, my heart has been pounding for almost 24 hours straight. the strain might honestly kill me. good. not even hospital sedatives could calm me down, my heart would still pound my body would still ache for her. ive ran out of tears to cry. this is truly the worst thing thats every happened to me in my life. and i wont ever recover. i have been diagnosed with “feel this way forever” disorders ie cptsd, this will haunt me for the rest of my life if i chose to live it. nothing will help, even her might not even help. its too late. im sorry everyone -shiftwestern “trish” “emile” “bunnymessiah” “bny” signing off. (im not killing myself yet DO NOT CALL THE POLICE ON ME)