my mom always wanted a son. she’s loved me so much despite the fact i was forced on her by my father. she has never done anything wrong to me. she has sacrificed endlessly to provide me with a life worth living.

and yet, i do not want this life. one time when i we were talking she said she understood that i probably wish she had chosen not to have me. and i didnt have the heart to tell her she’s right, i wish she didnt.

im selfish. unthankful. she deserved a better son. someone who isnt so broken and useless. someone who would have deserved all her love.