and it’s because im an actual hulking brick barnhouse and I’m deeply deeply jealous of the average trans woman and how they will likely make it and I just wont in a million years, I wish I could be murdered in a hate crime. I’m sorry for making this post. I don’t know what to do I’m actually going insane with dysphoria. I wish I killed myself decades ago. I can’t go on any other spaces and talk about this, I feel like im hiding a deep dark secret that is slowly killing me, I don’t feel safe around other trans people and never have, I only feel coldness. it’s not their fault, it’s mine and the decisions I made that lead me here.