Thank you so much for the effort post on my ventslop this is actually fascinating. I had no clue it was actually a real thing

No problem :). And I don’t blame you on the not knowing thing. People make such a joke out of “genderfluidity” (sometimes I wear dresses and sometimes I wear pants!!! 😃) that it doesn’t occur to many to look into any of the medical literature surrounding it. But the truth is, if becoming more female used to feel great, and it’s suddenly feeling bad, there’s no medically-established reason to reject the precedent set by your previous experiences with neurosex. I don’t doubt for a second that you were likely experiencing what it’s like to be in the brain of a binary trans women (or maybe even a binary-ish trans woman at times, as there were subtle female-leaning duosex mental configurations I experience that I’d just round-up to “woman” that I only became aware of when I finally took proper note of what feeling moided and foided felt like, and I realized over time that they can co-occur)… but yeah…there’s a good chance you really are neither strictly male or female, which is itself correlated with alternating dysphoria profiles, unfortunately.

Ill try to get into body acceptance instead of sexual transition ir whatever the detranners say bc that will probably help in all cases of moid/foid feeling

I guess that really depends. What you’re saying could be true to you, given whatever hand you may have been given in transition… I admit that I speak from a degree of luckshittery, unironic transmaxxing is a thing I can actually do… but I also do wanna caution once-more that you’re just now becoming aware of this fluid potential in yourself, so I think you should really take the time to reconcile your most-foided selves desires with your most-moided’s.

The way I’ve been approaching transition has basically been like this: if I can’t sell both the more moided and foided versions of myself on a medical-transition related idea, I’m not doing it! They NEED to agree/compromise!

I guess I’m kinda lucky in the sense that I kinda get the impression that even if I was a cisoid, I’d highk probably just be one of those peter-pan man type “HRT femboys” (blegh 🤮, I know, bare with me) who’s terrified enough of twinkdeath to not wanna be on T forever. I have vivid pre-troon memories of being like “I NEED to start estrogen, but I don’t want bottom surgery… and what if I grow breasts??? 😓😭”, and in addition to feeling that way I was basically thinking of myself as a he/him guy… then I’d start wanting she/her’s and to get bottom surgery and stuff, and then I’d rationalize my previous thinking as just internalized transphobia or something when, in retrospect, I was obviously being sincere in both cases.

Estrogen monotherapy, orchiectomy, and aesthetic androgyny has seemed to placate all-of-me decently well, sudden switch-ups are far less disturbing now, tho the chest dysphoria can get so bad that even foid-me can feel bad enough for moid-me that that whole SERMs/agonists idea has become universally tempting. To truly know what’s best for you, I do believe you have to teach all-headstates to have empathy with eachother, and to be diplomatic in a sense, always considering their feelings on the matter, always envisioning what your input would be if you were feeling more foidly/moidly, meeting half-way if possible. The more self-aware you are of the existence of other neurosexes, the more each headstate can be brought into an integrated whole, where empathizing with a version of yourself that’s not being experienced right now becomes more and more natural.

Regarding the whole “I’m gonna stay on E and get an orchie” decision, I’ve come to this conclusion by interrogating myself in both headstates, and not just asking myself what I most-want in that very moment, but also asking myself in that headstate to try to remember what I’ve felt like while experiencing other neurosexualities. I’m slowly inching towards unironically convincing myself to get penile-preserving vaginoplasty, as the more male versions of myself feels bad enough for more female versions of myself that it makes sense to have both parts. It’d also be great to be that way for when I’m feeling more 50/50.

I guess looking like a completely flat-chested theyfabish-looking person with both genitals is basically what I’ve determined to be the ultimate compromise. It’s the most stable image of self I’ve been able to land on in all the instability.

I probably will continue to take E just for the mental effects bc those have been extremely beneficial for me

It’s been the same for me. If you notice better mental function on E, this is probably a good idea.

I’m not sure you exist lol