goodbye id like to apologise to my darling lilian, all my friends and my family, ive failed you but again i want you to be happy because im in a better place, im hoping heaven is kinder to me than earth or death is eternal sleep i could use the rest. my life has been eternally miserable and suffering from the age of 12 when i realised my body was wrong. i was never truly considerer a woman by anyone, just a man in drag thanks to my height and voice of course thats how it’ll always be if i continued living i seriously couldnt take it anymore. i cant stop crying even on ssris and antipsychotics, theres nothing that can fix me.

id like to ramble on about my fighting game career, my one unimpressive accolade. i had such a promising career as a kid what happened all i see is my peers improving around me while im stuck at the same level, i was never meant to be an international star, just a bum. so killing myself is a good thing. ill miss all my friends though, too many to name. thank all of you. thinking about you guys is making me cry again

hopefully nobody finds me as i bleed out or i dont pussy out midway and call an ambulance. itll be peaceful, ill listen to my favourite song as i do it, Never See Me Again - Kanye West if you ever think of me please listen to me, this is how i felt in my final moments. dont worry about me, ill be fine. in heaven i presume. i accept jesus christ as my lord and saviour.

to nicole dont feel guilty. even though the despair of never having you is another reason im killing myself. it feels like you were made for me. like were soulmates. i would detransition for you, id even malemaxx, cut my hair short, grow my facial hair out. get top surgery. go to the gym. keep my dick all for you. but that ship has sailed. im with lilian now, thanks for setting us up. but take this as a sign you should live. youre a passoid after all. you get to be a woman i dont. go live your life. live for all the hons like me who couldnt make it.

i hope my family writes emile on my tombstone because i dont deserve to be called trish, nobody has called me trish while believing it to be my real name. im forever male remember?

i want my casket to be lowered with applause and cheers as i was never good enough to hear that as i lived. fuck. thats miserable. i hope i get to see all my pets in heaven, i love my babies.

adios, pour one out for me once in a while risky, tox, seajay, eterpay, goji, tim, dylan, neon fuck i feel like im forgetting someone oh well. im sorry. youll never see me again im so sorry.