Being a stealth passoid (if I dare call myself that) is a very lonely isolating life… I barely ever get to talk about my issues or my traumas because they’re so deeply tied being trans. Whenever I do get to talk about I’m always hyper aware of what audience I’m speaking with… it feels like no matter if they’re cis or trans I get judged for having problems and opinions
Cissies never truly understood what it’s like to be trans, it feels like this almost always a decision with them, they don’t see how deep the scar is, they only see the healed scab of where the wound was. But underneath is a festering pile of rot that keeps growing that keeps demanding attention but whenever I try bring it up, it’s always my fault for trying to heal over the wound, instead of seeing how my childhood brain was maladaptive to do it in any other way
Other trans people always feel like a coin flip, or a time bomb… yes often I can relate and talk about my issues… but it always comes with a layer of pain and fear… because sooner or later one of us will snap, we’re all constantly in danger of losing ourselves and shattering… being a passoid here sucks especially so, because often the one snapping isn’t you… your existence is a source of anguish to other trannies, because you lucked out, you got more than they did, they desire what you have, and you got “blessed” to live your life as a woman… at the cost of your friends… they didn’t get so lucky, and even if you have similar if not worse dysphoria… they will always see you as having privilege… a “gift” that isolates you, as they congregate in circles where the damages that being stealth can do is diminished and passing romanticized. And passing is awesome, don’t get me wrong and it can be everything… it’s just also very very damaging…
Meanwhile as a passing trans women these problem are compounded by mysogeny as you’re having this problems of having opinion and emotions and insecurities, you’re told to be quite, to suck it up and be a good housewifely woman, whose only opinion is what to cook for today or what pillow cushions to buy… because women can’t have insecurities, they are but malformed versions of what a man is… dumber… weaker… less important… leave bitch while the men are talking… and then when they see insecurity, it’s actually hysteria… because you’re too underdeveloped to have reason like the men do
Also while all this is happening BDD is acting like a Disco Elysium skill whispering sweat lies that you’re actually still a man, everyone can see it, who are you to call yourself a passoid, you sick perverted moid, what gave you the right, passoids know they’re passoids because everyone treats them like women, and they’re doing so much better than you, you r/4tran4 browsing fag, eternal twinkhon, never to truly enter cis society like real passoids
I’m sorry I had to voice this… some way… some how… thanks for reading my… penance…
A lot of it can be addressed in any trans community, if you paint it in the correct light. You tried to paint your passing as something negative, something that you think is not as worth it, as other people seem to value it. This is a wrong way to do it. You could’ve easily spoke about feeling isolated and alone without putting such a focus on you being a stealth passoid.
People sympathized with your trauma, with your upbringing, with the way your parents mistreated you. You don’t need to be a hon to post about it. There are passoids with horrific lives, and people sympathize with them. But they won’t sympathize if you paint your passing as something insignificant. Because there as many non-passing trans women who went through horrific past and don’t have passing to offset it.
Passing doesn’t mean your dysphoria has healed, and your life is full of rainbows and butterflies. But it is a privilege, which many people don’t possess, so you have to be sensitive about it.
I didn’t paint it as insignificant, and I didn’t mean to paint it as insignificant, I think I made it too easily skimmed in the post but it’s not insignificant. I am hyper aware of how privileged my level of passing makes me, and it’s part of the object causing me to isolate and feel lonely… I feel that I as an attractive least mostly passing luckshit woman, that I am a siren, I make people envious of what I have… but it hurts me when they drown in dysphoria because they were lured by me… I blame myself when they do… and it makes me wanna hide that I’m trans, if you see no siren, then you can’t drown chasing one, but it makes me feel alone, I wanna be seen and heard too, just to make me feel more ok even existing in this world, that I shouldn’t just disappear from it to better society, that I too can have space without being people’s 13th reason…
I want everyone to be able to pass, and I blame myself for when they don’t because I’m read myself as a symbol of what trans-ness and transition could be like…
I get it. I think you just need to find people who are not envious of passoids. I mean, there are multiple microcelebrities on /tttt/-adjacent spaces who are passoids and are still liked. You just have to put your personality first and your passing second in this case. Which is sure hard to impossible irl, but it should be much easier online.
You’re right, I wanna do that… I do hope to become that some time in the future, I just need permission to be allowed to call myself a passoid, because my dad made it so that I don’t trust myself on that, I think my timeline post was a big break for me getting that reassurance… and the fact that nobody called me out on being a passoidlarper on this post means that I can finally accept that I can be seen as a passoid, and that I am now able to put my personality first instead and act closer to how I act irl…
Like I needed this post and the earlier selfie posts to know that I’m allowed to label myself as such without being uhm… actually… you’re a twinkhon at best, and that’d crush my spirit… because I’m trying to help someone and I get hurt in the process
So yeah… here’s hoping I could be better on that as I do feel like I’ve made a breakthrough in being able to self-actualize on this and let it take a back seat