Being a stealth passoid (if I dare call myself that) is a very lonely isolating life… I barely ever get to talk about my issues or my traumas because they’re so deeply tied being trans. Whenever I do get to talk about I’m always hyper aware of what audience I’m speaking with… it feels like no matter if they’re cis or trans I get judged for having problems and opinions

Cissies never truly understood what it’s like to be trans, it feels like this almost always a decision with them, they don’t see how deep the scar is, they only see the healed scab of where the wound was. But underneath is a festering pile of rot that keeps growing that keeps demanding attention but whenever I try bring it up, it’s always my fault for trying to heal over the wound, instead of seeing how my childhood brain was maladaptive to do it in any other way

Other trans people always feel like a coin flip, or a time bomb… yes often I can relate and talk about my issues… but it always comes with a layer of pain and fear… because sooner or later one of us will snap, we’re all constantly in danger of losing ourselves and shattering… being a passoid here sucks especially so, because often the one snapping isn’t you… your existence is a source of anguish to other trannies, because you lucked out, you got more than they did, they desire what you have, and you got “blessed” to live your life as a woman… at the cost of your friends… they didn’t get so lucky, and even if you have similar if not worse dysphoria… they will always see you as having privilege… a “gift” that isolates you, as they congregate in circles where the damages that being stealth can do is diminished and passing romanticized. And passing is awesome, don’t get me wrong and it can be everything… it’s just also very very damaging…

Meanwhile as a passing trans women these problem are compounded by mysogeny as you’re having this problems of having opinion and emotions and insecurities, you’re told to be quite, to suck it up and be a good housewifely woman, whose only opinion is what to cook for today or what pillow cushions to buy… because women can’t have insecurities, they are but malformed versions of what a man is… dumber… weaker… less important… leave bitch while the men are talking… and then when they see insecurity, it’s actually hysteria… because you’re too underdeveloped to have reason like the men do

Also while all this is happening BDD is acting like a Disco Elysium skill whispering sweat lies that you’re actually still a man, everyone can see it, who are you to call yourself a passoid, you sick perverted moid, what gave you the right, passoids know they’re passoids because everyone treats them like women, and they’re doing so much better than you, you r/4tran4 browsing fag, eternal twinkhon, never to truly enter cis society like real passoids

I’m sorry I had to voice this… some way… some how… thanks for reading my… penance…