it’s so embarrassing having these issues at my age and i beat myself up for it constantly. It’s scary that I can’t even do something as basic as eating regularly and without overthinking… I’ve been crying a lot again lately. thinking about myself from an outside perspective makes me feel so small; a sad pathetic girl who’s exhausting and depressing to watch constantly sabotage herself and waste her life doing nothing most days.
I think i threw up this morning from overeating + not sleeping enough last night and missed an appt bc of it. Since then I’ve barely had an appetite and only ate half a bagel. The thought of cooking feels exhausting it makes me want to cry or sleep instead (or i just ignore it). I’m worried the disordered eating will turn into a full disorder that fucks up my guts 😣
Picrel is currently me holding blahåj while aimlessly looking at screens :(
Thank you 🫂 I’m not super emotional about it atm but it does get to me now and then (i basically recreate picrel irl all the time now). It’s more when i think about who I could’ve been or could still be and compare it to what my life currently is that it either saps my motivation and emotions or makes me cry. I wish i felt sad instead of just a dazed emotionless husk. Idk really but thanks again