I started out as literally just being some nerdy guy. The first time I ever even thought about wanting to be a girl was when I was 16. I remember I would look at girls and I would feel jealous of how pretty they were and how beautiful they were and I wanted to look like them. I would spend all my time and energy into imagining a girl version of myself and I would imagine that I looked that way and that everybody else saw me as that. Thats stopped now. All i see when i look in the mirror is some guy. I no longer fantasize about looking like a woman in my head. I don’t know if its because i haven’t been hanging around other people for some months or is it just gone now.

Im a year on hrt at this point and I got it through DIY last year. Im 18 now and I don’t know if I want to look like a woman. I don’t know what I want to look like. straight man straight woman gay man gay woman i’ve been everything in my mind and I have no clue anymore. I somehow like women more than men now but I fantasise about having sex with men because thats the only thing I know. I don’t feel the same urge of “boyfriend!” “boyfriend!” “husband!” “husband!” anymore. I don’t know what is wrong with me

I had a lot of “dysphoria” over my body but I don’t know if its real or some self induced body dysmorphia from wanting to continue with my “goal” of being a woman and wanting to be accepted by cis women as one of them. I had this strong desire to only have female friends and be on of the girls but I don’t care anymore. I feel like I would just be a creep around girls and I can’t subject them to that

I wonder if I really want this or if i’m too scared to stop continuing because well I either wasted a year and a half on nothing or I would relapse and transition at a worse age.

I just sort of sit and cry because I don’t think I’ve felt more helpless and alone anymore. My anxiety disorder doesn’t want to leave and all I get is cluelessness about what I want to be. I’m a man and I’m a woman but I’m also not a man and not a woman. idk