like im supposed to start living again somehow, i have to move out or i kms, i have to go to college/uni again and actually do it for once in my life but typing this is easy and getting out of bed is hard lol abusing the kindness of my parents to live as the textbook definition of a selfish asshole loser , leeching off of everyone, getting away with not doing shit literally ever bc i cant ever be assed to, is honestly too good of a life to ever give up. yes i want to die everyday. but just laying down and watching youtube while drinking will always be easier than that. im never escaping bc there’s practically no incentive, i mean it cant go on forever i know that , but it can always go on to tomorrow. i will never have the discipline to get up each day like a normal person bc ive gotten so used to only ever doing the bare fucking minimum that any amt of effort above that will be too much for me , not physically not emotionally or whatever , just laziness.

one day i will be hit w the realisation that it’s too late now and i will panic for a bit and then take sn and hopefully never wake up.

lwk wonder if i wld feel any different abt it all if hrt actually worked lol but who cares