I created it, my mind did. It is a fundamental part of my life. I have to accept it, and I already did. This is the best cope. You become content with your existance when you align yourself with your suffering. But maybe I’m not really suffering right now. It just feels like the right amount of pain. I’m sane enough to realize that it is not that bad, and that it is something to be endured and enjoyed. Ultimately when dysphoria/emotions get worse, then some biological factors just can’t be controlled and you wish to escape the pain either way.