like idk i just keep pushing through the dysphoria and i hit the point of like, im just pushing still, it sucks but i am so used to it sucking im just working and sucking and working. and its not going to get better until i go to my consult so i just turn my brain off and work out and work and suck, like loneliness is out the window i do not want to be around people thank god. fuck everything literally thank you god for showing me that i wasnt seeing dissociation as the gift it was and that im alone and don’t have to deal with people holy fuck.