might not pick up another job, which means surgery will be put off until I raise $10,000 more above what I already have. though it is probably better for me to not dig myself a grave before i ever get the chance to actually even see the surgeon first. got more hours finally, and will also be covering shifts until July; if i also get into electrician school with some of the money I have saved up this year, this job will also fit nicely into schedule. i might also have the chance to help one of my uncles out with his pool business (i used to own a company so he asked me outright, it might be good money). other than that, the boss at the job im at now offered to even train me to become a sushi chef way later on if i stayed (wow) which is cool because hes been doing it longer than ive been alive, but those are really big shoes to fill lol. idk. theres so much potential for growth but boymodding and sort of using nonpassing as an excuse not to put any effort into anything other than work has caught my attention. i could be someone well put together but i decide to shortchange myself through the act of adaptation over individual skills and whatnot. idk, i think having more friends would help but i really dont know how to sort of make friends when a) im like a handsome-pretty dude and b) people kind of expect you to act a certain way (from my experience at least). idk idk idk.