no matter what i do, i cannot abandon religion.

i fell out of faith when i was a gayboy but like a year into my social transition, i became religious again (4ish years ago). its not stopping me from transition but its like i cant be happy because i can never be true to either side. srs would be considered a grave mortal sin but i need it. bad. and im already on a wait list for it but i worry.

i cant even go to church without feeling like a guilty pervert. i cant take the host. i dont have the balls to talk to a priest about being a transsexual and i hate when people call me a moron for being religious. it is both the greatest sense of existential catharsis/comfort and dread in my life.

in another world, i’m a devout catholic sahm who runs some youth program at a church. in this world, i’m a tranny working towards a career i love but i fear for whats to come when i die.