Looking back, I was feeling the same way in the past. Before I ever had gender dysphoria. Same kind of mood swings, everything.

During positive mood swings I believe people like me, I see myself as a girl, mirrors don’t scare me, I like myself, I feel immense motivation, in extreme cases I can feel god like.

During negative mood swings I feel suicidal, depressed, irritated, angry, sad, dissociated, hollow.

Then there are also phases of normal mood, balanced emotions.

Why do I only experience most of my dysphoria during those negative mood swings? It is not caused by dysphoria, I’m sure of it. I had this before, before I ever knew what dysphoria is. Dysphoria is only a way for those negative feelings to manifest as. In the past my BPD was related to my loneliness and worthlessness, I was like 13-14 at the time. I’m 18 now. I had phases when it decreased, but ultimately it came back manifesting as dysphoria.

So I’m reaching a conclusion now. Fixing my dysphoria won’t fix my core problem. I’ll be still unhappy, BPD will find other problems to compensate.

Genuinely what should I do? If I take HRT my life might get worse than it already is due to social backlash. My core problem won’t be fixed. What if my dysphoria is something that my vulnerable mind just picked on along the way in order to express those mood swings. Aka Pseudo dysphoria

  • FuwareiOP
    1·
    5 hours ago

    Yeah, my dysphoria seems real I don’t doubt it. But I’m afraid that even if I fix it, I’ll still struggle in the same way due to BPD. In the past I struggled in the same patterns before I ever had dysphoria.

    • pigen
      1·
      5 hours ago

      Your struggle patterns might just be the way your brain deals with distress, not the source of distress itself. It’s entirely possible that by reducing overall distress by eliminating dysphoria, you’ll find yourself in that pattern less frequently

      • FuwareiOP
        1·
        5 hours ago

        Maybe, maybe you’re right. After forming new friendships and having a better social life I felt kind of fine for a while, and thought I cured my mental issues. But that was also a time when I allowed myself to be more feminine. But ever since like a year, that illusion started slowly crumbling down. I don’t perceive myself as feminine as I did before, I stopped femboycoping. I know I need to take hrt.