Looking back, I was feeling the same way in the past. Before I ever had gender dysphoria. Same kind of mood swings, everything.

During positive mood swings I believe people like me, I see myself as a girl, mirrors don’t scare me, I like myself, I feel immense motivation, in extreme cases I can feel god like.

During negative mood swings I feel suicidal, depressed, irritated, angry, sad, dissociated, hollow.

Then there are also phases of normal mood, balanced emotions.

Why do I only experience most of my dysphoria during those negative mood swings? It is not caused by dysphoria, I’m sure of it. I had this before, before I ever knew what dysphoria is. Dysphoria is only a way for those negative feelings to manifest as. In the past my BPD was related to my loneliness and worthlessness, I was like 13-14 at the time. I’m 18 now. I had phases when it decreased, but ultimately it came back manifesting as dysphoria.

So I’m reaching a conclusion now. Fixing my dysphoria won’t fix my core problem. I’ll be still unhappy, BPD will find other problems to compensate.

Genuinely what should I do? If I take HRT my life might get worse than it already is due to social backlash. My core problem won’t be fixed. What if my dysphoria is something that my vulnerable mind just picked on along the way in order to express those mood swings. Aka Pseudo dysphoria

  • FuwareiOP
    1·
    7 hours ago

    Yeah but idk if BPD is fixable. I think my brain is just wired in this way. I’ll always struggle like this. So why should I treat dysphoria if it probably won’t help my well being

    • pigen
      1·
      7 hours ago

      Also, BPD is treatable, not everyone can fix it to the point they become subclinical but some can, so that’s worth trying too

    • pigen
      1·
      7 hours ago

      I treat my dysphoria because I want to. You’re free not to do it if you don’t want to do it. Im willing to bet you do want to do it

      • FuwareiOP
        1·
        7 hours ago

        I do want, but if such future exists where I’m a tranny ostracized by society, and I still experience BPD, I might be actually worse off than I am. Assuming that the same negative mood patterns persist.

        • pigen
          1·
          7 hours ago

          This is a risk, one you could try mitigating by asking around about the successfulness of other bpd troons’ transitions. I think it’s possible to transition successfully as someone w bpd

          • FuwareiOP
            1·
            6 hours ago

            Where do I find other BPD troons. I’m also really unsure if as you said, these types of patterns are my response to stress, or is it BPD?

            • pigen
              2·
              6 hours ago

              There are a lot of them here :P

              Idk I think newtie and desires and many others

              Here’s not a great sample though maybe you could ask on mainstream trans subreddits or try searching reddit

            • FuwareiOP
              1·
              6 hours ago

              I’m unsure if my dysphoria shows first or BPD does when I spiral down.

              But as another trait of BPD I’ve also noticed that my self identity not related to gender is not formed through my self, but rather by emulating the parts I like about my favorite characters.

            • pigen
              1·
              6 hours ago

              When I say “response to stress” I mean like. BPD symptoms = response to stress Not that what you’re describing isn’t BPD