As much as we do have it worse as older transitioners I think there’s something unique about the experience of passing people. With hons we are just condemned to be social pariahs, there’s no envy involved and people can just abuse us out of sheer sadism or disgust, but when a man or woman passes there’s resentment involved. “How dare they trick me into thinking they’re like me?” “How dare they be prettier than me when their soul is male?”. It’s proof that we just are what we say we are, and just a select few are lucky enough to be able to go 100%. Its an affront to the gender/sexual systems that both oppress them and give them privilege that you can actually move along the heirarchy

I’ve started passing more (breast growth, better haircut, etc.), and I have noticed some differences in how cis women, especially groups of cis women my age, tend to treat me when I’m “in their spaces” (aka women’s clothing store, bathroom, etc.). Before it was just a “what are you doing here, ew why is a man getting women’s clothes” look, but now it’s clear that I’m trans and that I look good wearing women’s clothes, the looks are a lot more quiet but they’re more, bitter? Like I’m properly “invading” on their female clique instead of just knocking on the door and peering through the blinds in their eyes. I’ll never pass fully or really enough to “tip the scale” so to speak but there’s a continuum I’m noticing here.

In bathrooms, there’s more of a silent suspicious tolerance than an overt disgust. They know someone with a penis (ugh) is in there, but there’s a disconnect between what they expect to see from that and what I am, and I see the wheels turning in their head for a split second before they put up their tolerance mask, because luckily where I’m from (Ontario) and with how I’ve been changing it’d be too risky to call me out and force me out of the space, there’s a ratio between how well someone passes and the potential social consequences that comes into account.

I will say that proper passoids do have it a million times easier and I’m sure I have it easier than some of y’all even though I don’t pass. I am just butchy so that might have something to do with it, though I feel like it’d be worse for me to dress all femme, feel like it’d roll back my apparent “legitimacy” and make me be seen as a crossdresser over just a trans woman. Thoughts?