i think i wouldn’t mind being the dominant one in a relationship really. i like taking care of people. and as much as i long to be taken care of myself, im scared of letting myself be vulnerable. i dont like feeling like i owe people things. i hate that sense of obligation i always feel.

but i feel like i cant really do that because ill just be seen as a predatory rapehon freak or whatever else. and while ik thats not true, its hard. because more than anything im terrified of being seen as a predator. of being seen as anything like my father was.

i was already the only male child from that sham of a marriage. i already see his face in the mirror, feel like im the heir to his monstrosity. so i never want to do anything that could even remotely be interpreted as exploitative. id rather detroon, kms, be assaulted myself, etc. than be seen as a predator.